Not jokes

Period

Period: Guess who’s back... back again...

Me: Ugh, can we not do this today?

Period: I can come back in 9 months?

Me: Keep fucking singing.

Jesus

So I went to a church the other day and I asked my friend, "Is that painting of Jesus and is it through the wall with one with three nails?" Oh wait, I wasn’t even Jesus, he’s not doing the T post that he invented.

Kid

Bob, why are you kicking the kids?

What, it's not like they have a home to go to.

Memes

Chimney

What did the old chimney say to the young chimney?

"You're too young to smoke!"

That's not even a bad joke-

Man

A man walks into a bar. The man says, "Why the human face?" It's not funny at all.

Orphan

Let's stop this, it's not funny. Oh wait, the orphans are all gone with nobody. 😂

Bear

Lionel: Leona, please no more singing your annoying Fuzzy Bear song!

Leona: But I love my song, right Fuzzy?

Fuzzy Bear: I am going to bite you for not letting your sister sing my song!

*Fuzzy Bear bites Lionel*

Lionel: AHHHHHHH

Police

The police: Pull over!

The kid: Do you know who my dad is?

The police: What, your mom did not tell you?

Gun

When the guy came in with a gun to rob the store, I said: "Hey, can I borrow that?"

He says "yes." Me, over here, walking to the cashier and saying: "Goodbye!" He screams: "Have mercy!"

I say: "No, not to you, to me. Say goodbye." He says: "No, don't shoot yourself!" It was too late.

Mum

Your mum is so fat, when the doctors did her x-ray, the doctor said to her, "I want your x-ray, not an elephant's x-ray!"

Russian

Why do you have to pay to see Russian people?

Because the zoo is not free, Duhhhhh🙄

Car

I crashed into the back of a car at the lights today.

A really short guy got out of it and said, “I’m not happy.”

I said, “Well, which one are you then?”

Tree

Why did the sick juice tree go to the hospital? Because it needed lemin-ade (not the cool type of sick, the one where you are in the hospital). Lemin-ade 1st ade.

911

Every 911 joke isn't that good.

Well, at least not until they come crashing down.

Ketchup

🥫Wewo wewo, stop right now or we will be forced to stop your self.

No, not like you can ketchup!