Not jokes

It's not easy to make good pedophilia jokes, because it's a very touchy subject.

Well, I got stuck in the dryer and fell asleep. Then my step bro got home, and I did not know, and hours later I woke up. My pants were down, and my butt was on fire.

What do Hiroshima and Herobrine have in common?

They're not heroes.

My girlfriend said to me, "Dear, I think you have hit an animal, there's blood and dents all over the bonnet."

I said, "No, love, I'm not waiting for a Black Lives Matter rally."

I'm not transphobic. I just want transparency...

Always breathing down my neck, my vampire girlfriend does not give me any space.

What did a bee who was interested in philosophy say?

"To bee or not to bee."

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I thank God I'm not as ugly as you.

I just came across my wife’s Tinder profile and I’m so angry about her lies.

She is not “fun to be around.”

I got two cups of milk. One for me and one for my son.

We both drank them at the same time and tried not to puke. I won, since my son is face first on the table with his blood all over.

What do you call a person with no arms and legs?

You can call him whatever you want; he's not coming.

I got fired for not doing enough work.

Guess I didn’t put enough backbone into it.

Life isn't about pleasing yourself and that you have to do things for the sole benefit of God.

It’s like masturbation. Sometimes it’s not getting yourself off, but getting someone else off too. That’s what thighjobs are for.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Not your dad.

One day at school, little Johnny was not listening, so the teacher came up to him.

Teacher: "At the end of this ruler is someone dumb."

Little Johnny: "Miss, which end were you referring to?"

Why do orphans hate any milk?

Their dad did not come back for 10 years. Oh, sorry, he got lost in the store! 🤧

Emo: Phone die.

Emo: Why not me? ;(

Why did Stephan Hawking not turn up to the meeting?

His internet connection ran out.

People shouldn't worry about how orphans would feel reading these jokes. It's not like they have parents to buy them a phone or computer to see them, or even a place to charge them even if they did have one.

I was bullying Stephen Hawking. I told him, "Why not stand up for yourself?"