Not jokes
My wife said she would slam my head into my keyboard if I did not get off video games.
But don't worry I think she was just joking.
Hey guys, so we have a friend group and we need followers and people! So far it's me and Royal. If you want to join just comment why and you're in unless people have reasons to not want you!
You failed Helen Keller's speech class? It's okay, she's not a very good speaker.
Why is black mystery not an Airheads flavor? Because we already know what happened to them. *shot fires*
Why do emo kids not jump?
They're still in the sky.
I went to ask my friend's mom if I could have a sleepover.
Then I remembered they did not have a mom or dad.
It is not funny about kidnapping.
Asian kid: I’m not a doctor, and I’m not good at math.
Me: That’s what I call an orphan!
Can bees fly in the rain?
Not if they don't have their yellow jackets!
I thank God that I'm not as ugly as you.
You're so ugly not even your mom thinks you're beautiful.
A fat man was checking his weight and sucking in his fat belly. A physicist saw it and said that's not how the law of conservation of mass works.
Plot twist: The fat man jumped on the physicist and proved him wrong. Now the physicist doesn't have mass.
Why did the sun not go to college? Because it already has a million degrees!
Why does an orphan always get the newest iPhone?
Because so he does not have a home button.
Why do your orphans not drink beer?
Because last time they did, he went to suck some dudes' toes, then he tried to take him to his parents, but I guess that never happened.
I have some words that might make sense to girls, but maybe not to boys, ready?
smart
kind
sweet
caring
loving
mature
My dad drove past a graveyard. He said, "I won't be buried there." I asked why.
He said, "Because I am not dead yet!"
Have you ever been accused of a crime you didn't commit? Well, I have! I was wrongfully accused of larceny yesterday. I'm not smart enough for that, I just stole some stuff.
Why did the knight cross the road?
He can't because his armor was too heavy.
I was stark nude. Hehe, I was. I truly and sincerely was.
The nurses giggled and said, "Joseph, why the hell is your wiener so loving?"
My penis purred and stroked their hands. I laughed and said, "I do not know."