Not Jokes

Dang... if I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put D IN U ;)

I only know there are 25 letters in the alphabet, I don't know Y.

(Me: How many letters are in the alphabet?) -- (Friend: 11- T-H-E-- A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T)

(Me: There are 20 letters in the alphabet, right?) -- (Crush: No, there is actually 26.) -- (Me: oooOoh, I forgot u r a qt! So its acdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz?) -- (Crush: You forgot the D) -- (Me: That's not needed yet ;])

What letter is really hot? T

C = cOCK O = CoCK C = COcK K = COCk COCK = cock cock = COCK

ME SExUAL SRrY LoL

9/11 was a round of Clash of Clans; they knocked down 2 towers, not 3.

Teacher on school bus, "Everybody sit down now, the bus is about to start."

Ben: "I’m not going to sit down. I don’t want to."

Teacher: "You have to, or else you have to get off the bus."

Teacher: "*stands up*"

Ben: "Then you should get off the bus 'cause you're not sitting."

Why can't an orphan be a criminal? Because they are not wanted.

What did Osama Bin Laden's kids not inherit after his death?

His hide-and-seek skills.

I thought gender reveal parties were only for newborns, not for teenagers.

How much you wanna bet you will not repeat my name out loud (at school/work)?

Boy: “My heart MELTS for you.”

Girl: “OMG, are you okay?!?!”

Boy: “Yeah, why?”

Girl: “Because if your heart is melting, then you are NOT okay.”

It's not easy to make good pedophilia jokes, because it's a very touchy subject.

Well, I got stuck in the dryer and fell asleep. Then my step bro got home, and I did not know, and hours later I woke up. My pants were down, and my butt was on fire.

What do Hiroshima and Herobrine have in common?

They're not heroes.

My girlfriend said to me, "Dear, I think you have hit an animal, there's blood and dents all over the bonnet."

I said, "No, love, I'm not waiting for a Black Lives Matter rally."

I'm not transphobic. I just want transparency...

Always breathing down my neck, my vampire girlfriend does not give me any space.

What did a bee who was interested in philosophy say?

"To bee or not to bee."

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I thank God I'm not as ugly as you.

I just came across my wife’s Tinder profile and I’m so angry about her lies.

She is not “fun to be around.”

I got two cups of milk. One for me and one for my son.

We both drank them at the same time and tried not to puke. I won, since my son is face first on the table with his blood all over.

What do you call a person with no arms and legs?

You can call him whatever you want; he's not coming.

I got fired for not doing enough work.

Guess I didn’t put enough backbone into it.