Not jokes

Which restaurants can an orphan not go to?

A family restaurant.

What's the difference between a baby and a pizza?

One does not crow when you put it in an oven.

What is the difference between the human and a tree and a house that has to walk home and walk walk home from school? Was your name in your house? I did not have any good time for dinner today, but I did have a good night's sleep.

Why does an orphan not play baseball?

Because they can’t find home.

Something you can say about a restaurant, but not your partner:

"So you’re open 24 hours a day?"

My priest asked if anyone had any questions or anything interesting they wanted to say.

So I raised my hand, he said why don’t you tell everyone what you have to say.

In front of the whole church I said I did not know Jesus Christ was the first scarecrow.

What's the difference between Elton John and rapboat?

Elton is talented, rich, and openly gay. Rapboat got fuck all talent, no money, and is not out of the closet yet.

Damn! Really stole my friend's glasses. Well, now they're blind, but not really, they're dead.

Roses are red, violets are blue, You make me pee like I drink tea, you make me go buzz, like becoming a fuzz.

It sticks in, but it goes to the bin, after its use, it will be reused, no it is not what your thinking its -~-(clay)-~-

What did the racist Catholic priest say?

"Martin Luther? Not my king!"

This is not a joke. Stop online dating.

How many babies does it take to change a lightbulb? Well, obviously not 10; my basement's still dark.

You will never see a redneck opposing a war.

He will instead say, "Wait, I get to kill people and it's not illegal? And they're foreigners?"

It's not a war crime if no one's alive to report it.

It's not a hate crime if you don't hate the person.

I did not want to join sailing, but my friend roped me into it.

Have you heard the gossip about the butter? Oh, I guess I better not spread it.

My girlfriend is like Toys R Us.

She does not exist.

Good day today, love you. Walk in love day and a walk home night. Night, night. I did not get snow. I love it is the day that we get a tree. I have to go get some sleep. Was good day at school today, but I’m going to be...

What should you name a dog without any legs?

It doesn't really matter. No matter what you yell, he's not coming.