Why did the chiken cross the road? to get to your moms house Knock Knock you: whos there? Your new father!
Aaaah I really wish Stephen hawking was an organ donor...
I really need some new part to my gokart
Did you know that McDonald's have a new McScully burger?
It's a 59-year-old piece of meat in a 2-year-old bun.
What time is it when you eat a Christmas tree?
Time to get a new Christmas tree! 🎄
Me in 2078 when the COVID-19 delta alpha theta beta cya layta alligayta nlgga chungus sussy deef clussy sussy bussy cunnybrap variant comes out and I need to stay in lockdown for another 2 years with my new mandated virus stopper buttplug 9000.
What's the difference between you and me?
I have a plan for this new year.
So long, suckers. Keep scrolling.
I just read that someone in New York gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy!
Doctor: I have bad news.
Man: What?
Doctor: There are two things wrong with you. First, you have cancer.
Man: Oh, no...
Doctor: Second, you have Alzheimer's.
Man: Well, at least I don't have cancer!
Orphan: Where are my parents?
God: New York City.
Orphan: But they used to live in China.
I am looking for a Robert "Jamie" Weber. He is a friend of mine from 3rd grade that welcomed me as the new kid. I am currently in 6th grade going into 7th grade (summer brake).
I did this to my ex. I stole her wheelchair. I knew she would come crawling back.
I wanted to hire a butler for my new mansion in downtown LA. As he arrived, he introduced himself and I discovered it was Ghostionel Pessi.
I asked him why is he working as a butler? He told me that “a big game is coming up so he needs to refine his bottleling skills.” DAMN PESSI!
I thought gender reveal parties were only for newborns, not for teenagers.
What's the similarities between the New York Jets and the World Trade Center?
They both fall in September.
Mom: Don't forget to unload the dishwasher.
Mom: Did you finish your homework?
Mom: We are going to your grandmother's house for Thanksgiving.
Mom: Dad and I talked. We are getting a new car next month.
Son: You are?? Oh my gosh, thank you!
Mom: No, I was just making sure you were getting my texts.
Son: That was cruel!
Dear Victims... äh Passengers, we are flying now from Ryadh to New York. Amazing Building... äh Amazing City. There's online, but 2000 there were two Towers... äh Restaurants. We hijack the plane... äh Hi Jack. Jack is my co-pilot, and I said hello. Don‘t scream... History Repea... äh... History never comes back, we are now flying back to the Airport. 💀
new groupchat??
Hi I'm new here
What is the similarity between a orphan and the new spider man movie there's no way home
New Windex ad:
You should get Windex for that dirty mind!
