Newness jokes
I hate my birthday. For my first birthday my mom gave me my life. I liked it when it was new and fun. Now it's broken and sad and I wanna take it back.
So my ex invited me to dinner with her new boyfriend.
Her boyfriend said "Hi."
I said, "Knife to meet you!"
Karien: Mom, I don't care if you're dating a new guy, I want you and Dad to be together!
Daiana: Sometimes things don't work out, like when it didn't work between your father and me. Time to move on, Karien.
Karien: Well I'm not moving on! I can't believe you love someone else!
Daiana: Karien, just give him a chance. His name is Derek, he loves cooking, cleaning, and anything that has you doing something.
Karien: That is so boring!
Daiana: Well just work with me please?
Karien: I'll give you a day... 24 hours, Mom!
đ What is as old as the earth đ and new every month? The moon.
I saw an orphan and I said, "Yo."
He said, "What do you want?"
I said, "To be your new father."
"Really??!" the orphan said.
Me: Lol, no.
Orphan *Jumps into street*
Memes
Death
There's a new game in the arcade where kids can hit raging paedophiles with a mallet: Whack-A-Jack, oh!
Why did Michael Jackson die?
Because I have a new phone number, and he does not know.
Hi guys, the prankster is back!
I was gone for a long time because of this bullying about a nice sweet girl named Gwen! So my 6th prank is on...
When I put some bad stuff in my sister's toothpaste bottle!
Okay, so I took some smelly mints from the jelly bean game! I had molded cheese jelly bean, molded milk, and worms jelly bean! Jelly bean tasting is this game where weird tasted jelly beans are in there, so I got some mints and put it there! Then next thing you knew was, my sassy ass sister had her breath smelling like a chimpanzee's buttock!
There's a new Viagra and prune juice diet that's out.
Unfortunately, you can't tell if you're coming or going.
I threw a paper airplane at the twin sisters. The teacher was upset. I guess they don't read the news.
Ur hairline is like a Fortnite map at the start of a new season waiting to be identified.
A man tried to tame a horse, but always failed. The news spread around town that this man couldnât tame one single horse.
One day, the man went to a bar, where a fairly old man sat next to him. âWell partner!â He began. âI guess your dream horse is more of a NIGHT-MARE!â
Whatâs the difference between a cancer patient and a British news reporter in the South?
They usually donât live to tell the tale.
Why did the rapper bring a ladder to the concert?
Because he wanted to reach new heights in his performance.
All terrorists like starting a new year off with a bang.
The best football game was the Jets against the Twin Towers.
What did the terrorist do when New York didnât want his food:
Here comes the airplane.
What do Philippe Petit and New York citizens have in common?
They both walk(ed) over the Twin Towers.
Anyone got any new jokes? I ran through all the pages already.
When your plane heads for New York...