Worst Jokes Ever
What's the best part about beating up an orphan?
They can't tell their parents.
I love the way the Earth rotates.
It really makes my day!
What's the opposite of Christopher Reeves?
Christopher Walken.
How many feminists does it take to fix a lightbulb?
None. Feminists can't change anything.
What do hospitals do when they receive donor organs? They organize them.
EU Delegate: "Sir, your country has the highest corruption and crime rate out of any other member nations. What do you have to say?"
Ambassador: *tries slipping the delegate 40 Euros* "You didn't see any statistics."
What if some kid was like, "I'm going to shoot up the school!", and then someone just pulls up with a reverse card?
"I'm not sure why my girlfriend's father doesn't like me."
"What was your first impression on him?"
"I told him, she calls me daddy too."
"Why do people call Americans excessive?"
"It was probably because of WWII."
"Oh, you mean the war where America responded to the destruction of several ships and a harbor and the deaths of a little over a thousand by completely flattening two cities and killing hundreds of thousands of people?"
The point of war is not to die for your country, but to make the fresh recruit on the enemy's side die for his.
Asian without "As" is just sin.
There's a plane going down over the desert with only 3 parachutes on board. There are four people onboard: the smartest man in the world, the best doctor in the world, an old priest, and a young nerd. The doctor says, "People need me for my medical skills," grabs the first parachute pack, and jumps. The smartest man in the world says, "People need me for my intelligence," grabs a pack, and jumps. The old priest says, "I have lived a long and happy life. You take the last chute." The nerd says, "Don't worry. There are enough chutes for the both of us. The smartest man in the world just grabbed my backpack."
*Loud explosion inside the tank*
"Where's the commander?" "He's gone." "Where has he gone?" "All over the place."
Famous last words:
"Don't worry man, it's not even loaded."
I bet my friend $5 that he would die drowning.
A depressing but satisfying victory.
What do you call a blonde in a freezer?
Her parents called her Cindy, so we should probably continue calling her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.
"You're da bomb!" "No, you're da bomb!"
In America, a compliment. In the Middle East, an argument.
Say what you want about Hitler, he wasn't all that bad. After all, he killed Hitler.
I asked my uncle why he was living on the streets.
He said that he wasn't always on the streets, he used to have a job at these two towers. I asked him what happened, and he said two planes happened.
What do you do after your girlfriend with two broken legs dumps you?
Take her wheelchair, she'll come crawling back.