Worst Jokes Ever

My girlfriend broke up with me today, but it’s ok.

She said we can still be cousins.

Goes to school with blue suppressed pistol. #1 Victory Royale!

One day, I put a lady taffy on my ass.

One day an old woman came into the bank and asked me to check her balance... So, I pushed her over.

This isn't a joke.

There was a homeless family in need of a room, but the guy said no more rooms because they were homeless. So, they got into a barn, and the mother gave birth to a young healthy boy. Before you say anything bad to a homeless man, that little boy was born on December 25th. Guess who it is.

JESUS CHRIST!!!!!! STOP HURTING THE HOMELESS PEOPLE AND START HELPING THEM!!!!!!!!

What's green then red all over?

A frog in a blender! :)

What's the difference between a mother and a pigeon?

One doesn't eat their husband out.

"Stop being racist. You wouldn't put that for blacks."

Fortnite

Little girls cry. Big girls say, "F*ck."

The other day, I donated my car keys, $1,000, and a passport to a homeless man.

You could feel the happiness come from me after he holstered his suppressed shotgun.

A man is telling his story to someone. "My friends always said that they would kill me if I wore Gucci or Supreme. On April 1st, I wore both and conversed with them."

"Interesting."

"That's the story of how I got to the morgue," he says to The Gatekeeper of Heaven.

A couple is sitting down, holding hands, and having a picnic after their wedding when the husband's friend walks over and says,

"Jenny and Jonathan sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes abrupt, tragic miscarriage! Then comes blame. Then comes despair, two hearts damaged, beyond repair. Johnathan leaves Jenny, and writes on the tree: D-I-V-O-R-C-E."

What do you call frozen Ibuprofen?

A chill pill.

A man from Brooklyn is arguing with an Englishman. He says things like,

"It's an elevator, not a lift!"

and

"It's a bathroom! Not 'washroom'!"

He keeps going on until the Englishman says,

"Hey wanker, it's a school, not a god damned shooting range."

Roses are red, your mother has said, "Come back again, and you'll be dead!"

I have a joke about death.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the other side.

Think about it :)

A man was walking down the street with a swivel chair under one arm, a computer under the other, and a desk strapped to his back.

A policeman ran over to him and handcuffed him, saying, "I'm arresting you for impersonating an office, sir!"

A boat carrying red paint and a boat carrying blue paint crashed into each other. The crews were marooned.

I told my friend ten puns to see what one made him laugh. No pun in ten did.