What's a skeleton's favorite instrument?
A tromboner.
Me: "I like kids."
The first windmill said to the second, "What's your favorite type of music?"
The second windmill said, "I'm a big metal fan!"
Two whales went to a bar.
The first whale said, "oooooooohhhhhh." The second whale said, "Greg, I think you're drunk, let's go home."
A guy walks into a bar. He sees a hot girl. He walks up to her and says, "You're getting laid tonight." She replies, "What are you, some sort of psychic?" He says, "No, I'm just stronger than you."
Everything.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
He doesn't know where home is.
Jesus Christ does exist, he does, and he is the son of God... a God that doesn't exist XD
What's the difference between MetaCareForAll and the resurrection of our lord and savior Jesus Christ?
One of them is an unrealistic fantasy that can never come true because it wouldn't work. The other one is the resurrection our lord and savior Jesus Christ.
What's the difference between a five-year-old and a Democrat?
The five-year-old doesn't expect you to do everything for them.
(Vote for Ted Cruz, Ben Shapiro 2020)
Why did the chicken cross the road?
For absolutely no reason.
Q. What monster plays the most April Fools' pranks?
A. Prankenstein.
When I was born the doctors said, "it's a boy!" Then when they went to cut the umbilical cord, they cut the wrong thing. Then they said, "Oh, it's a girl."
Q: What breed of dog is supposed to laugh at all of your jokes?
A: A Chihuahua.
Q. What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A. A gummy bear.
My friend thinks he is funny.
He told me that the only food that makes you cry is an onion, so I threw a coconut at him.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because some kid was flossing!
I hate myself.
So I heard Kenny's mom got moved to a nursing home.
He'll probably leave her alone now.
He doesn't eat vegetables.
A joke: my life, hahahahaha! Wait, it's not funny.
