Worst Jokes Ever

Website: Submit a joke :-)

Me: My life.

What do you call an octopus whose father left?

An octopie.

Are you a Chipotle bowl? Because I wanna eat you out.

Why didn't the sun get a job? Seriously, I have no idea why. Help me!

How Steven Hawking died: because he moved too much during the day and ran out of juice.

My friend Richard is always bullying all the little kids in the neighborhood. He is such a dick.

I went to the bathroom and into a stall to see a hole in the wall. It reminded me of "The Lickable Wallpaper" from "Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory." I jokingly started licking. Though, the carrot tasted musky and kinda wrinkly.

I will always remember my uncle's last words, "What's the shovel for?"

What did the hematologist say when his Canadian patient wrote that he's blood type "eh"? "Ah, probably just go with blood typo!"

When is a piece of wood made king?

When it's a ruler.

Bread is like an orphan: plain and stale and no fam.

What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? "Wow, hairy!"

Hey Autocorrect- STOP TAMPERING WITH MY CURSE WORDS YOU MOTHERDUCKING FORKLIFT!

How do you punish Helen Keller?

You leave the plunger in the toilet.

A couple of cows were smoking a joint and playing cards...

The steaks were pretty high.

What is the best way to end a cookbook?

And that’s a wrap!

What do you call an autistic kid who just saw Transformers? Autistimus Prime.

Why are Indians dark?

Because they are born and bred in chicken curry.

Why can't melons get married?

Because they cantaloupe.

I heard an unusual word the other day: "Opaque."

Unfortunately, what it means is unclear.