I like my coffee like I like my women.
Big tits.
What is the difference between a blond and a Nazi?
The blond survived.
O Dario tem namorada?
My first high-school football game was a lot like my first time having sex...
I was bloody and sore at the end, but at least my dad came.
What did the cat say when he was stuck on a thorn-bush?
"Meow!"
Men vacuum in the same way that they have sex.
They just put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse on the couch and think that their wife should be really happy.
How is a woman like a condom?
Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To check out the chicks!
Teacher: What’s 2+2?
Jimmy: 2+2=feEesh
Teacher: Well, Jimmy I can see you're going places, not college, but places.
Yo mama so old, she was there when Moses was born.
Once my dad left to get milk, then I realized we own a cow.
So, two cats, one English (named "One Two Three Cat") and one French (named "Un Deux Trois Cat"), are walking through a forest and come across a river. To have a little fun, they decide to have a race across the river.
One Two Three Cat swam across, and when he finished the race, he looked behind him. "Un Deux Trois Cat" was nowhere to be seen. So "One Two Three Cat" figured that "Un Deux Trois Cat" sank.
Hey, Hunger Games... I'm full!!
This ain't your mama's monologue.
There were 500 bricks on a plane. One fell off.
Little Sally was crossing a river full of crocodiles. How did she survive the river? She had a gun. When she got out of the river, she died. Why? Because a brick fell on her head.
Why did Little Sally get hurt while playing soccer?
Because she fell into a minefield.
Why did Little Sally drop her ice cream? Because she got hit by a bus.
Q: How many dead hookers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Not three. My damn basement is still dark...
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
She has no arms.
Anyone who makes fun of Prof should go to hell.
I love stairs. They always bring me up.
