Worst Jokes Ever
I saw a trophy in my sister's room. So I said congratulations on your cheer leading. My sister said I didn't win the trophy for cheer leading, so I asked why. My sister said I won because I give the best jobs.
Little Johnny walks in on his grandfather smoking a cigar.
“May I smoke a cigar?” asks Johnny.
The grandpa replies, “Well, does your dick touch your asshole?”
Johnny replied, “No,” and left the room.
The next day Johnny sees his grandpa getting into a car.
“Can I drive the car?” asks Johnny.
“Does your dick touch your asshole?”
“No.”
The day after that, Grandpa sees Johnny about to eat a cookie.
“Johnny, may I have some of your cookie?” asked the grandpa.
“Does your dick touch your asshole, grandpa?”
“Yep.”
“Then go fuck yourself, this is my cookie.”
A man in conversation with his friend says that his wife is on a 3-week diet. The friend curiously asks, how much has she lost? The man replies, "her life."
Why was the skeleton sad at the dance?
Because it had "no body" to go with.
My mom showed me that she could deep throat a banana. I asked my mom how you know how to do that. My mom said, "I practice on your new stepfather."
The Chinese food owner always brings us free food. I ask my sister why he does that. My sister said, "Love him long time."
I ask my sister why the Chinese owner brings us free food all the time.
My sister said to me "I love him long time."
My mom showed me that she could deep throat a banana. I asked how you know how to do that. My mom said, "I practice on your stepfather."
What did the make-a-wish kid say when the Avengers turn up without Tony Stark?
"We are in the endgame now!"
I need to go to the hospital because I'm getting shot by a PUN.
Josh Hemus - follow him on Instagram @joshhemus
One time my friend nutted into my bag of trail mix.
I guess you could say I fucking ate a different kind of nut.
How do ducks fart?
Out their butt, quack.
What's the difference between Madlen Makan and Stephen Hawking?
Nothing, they're both dead.
I'm doing something Stephen Hawking can't do... pressing "I'm not a robot."
I was at a football match, and the ball was getting closer. Then it hit me. *face palm*
Did you know that lots of graves are put in churchyards?
Yeah, they're pretty holey.
Did you know that a lot of graves are put in churchyards?
Yeah, they're pretty holey.
I think if the center of the earth froze, it would be pretty hard core.
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.