Worst Jokes Ever
You remind me of a snowflake, beautiful and unique. One touch and you're wet.
"Break me a piece of that Kit Kat bar."
My therapist told me that time heals all wounds. So I stabbed him, now we wait.
My wife thinks I'm immature, so I told her to get out of my fort.
Once I told an abortion joke and this woman was like, "I've had an abortion, that's offensive." And I was like, "I just tell jokes, I think what you do is much worse."
"Look, Ma! I peed in the pool!"
Someone cutting the cheese then farted.
Someone sees the cheese, and it smelled like crap (literally). He said, "Who cut the cheese?"
Technically, we have all been deeper in our mom than our dads have.
What’s the difference between a barcode and Rachel Sutherland’s wrist?
Nothing, they both get scanned for a fresh new pack of razor blades.
What does grass and Rachel Sutherland’s wrists have in common: nothing, they both get cut.
Fuck, fuck, and only fuck!
Why is the USA so bad at chess?
Because they already lost two towers.
Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?
Because he wanted to win no-bell prize!
What do kids play when they can't play with a phone?
Bored games.
Why does a woodpecker have a beak?
So as to not smash his head against the tree.
My sister said you smell, but then she saw her panties having moles on it.
An American goes on a British bus after being in war. He wants to sit down, so he goes to the back of the bus to sit down, but there is an old woman on the seat with her dog in the next one.
The man says, "Will you move your dog?"
The lady says, "Oh, you Americans are always so demanding," and she says to sit somewhere else. He goes through and finds no seats, so now he's at the back again. This time he throws the dog out the window and sits down.
The man in front says, "You Americans always do things wrong. First, you drive on the wrong side of the road, then hold you knife and fork wrong, and you threw the wrong bitch out the window!"
I like zebras.
Yo mama so fat she broke the stairway to heaven...
Yo momma so fat, I took a picture of her 1 year ago, and it's still printing.