Worst Jokes Ever
A policeman found a dead body of a man on the street. He thought he recognized the body and the 2 friends he usually hung out with, so he called in one of the friends.
The friend looked into the dead body's face and said, "Yep, that's definitely Joe," but then, to be absolutely sure, he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants, and said, "Oh no, wait, that's not Joe." The policeman called in the 2nd friend. The 2nd friend looked into the dead body's face and said, "Yep, that's definitely Joe," but then, to be absolutely sure, he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants, and said, "Oh no, wait, that's not Joe." Confused, the policeman asked, "How is it that when you look into his face you're sure he is your friend, but when you look at his ass you're sure he is not?"
The 1st friend said, "Well, you see, Joe has 2 assholes." "Are you serious?" the policeman asked. "Oh yes," he replied, "we've never actually seen them, but when the 3 of us hang out together people point and say, 'Hey, there's Joe with those 2 assholes.'"
Dad joke.
Why does a dad get more than a pair of socks at the golf course?
Because of a hole in one!
If I have ligma and you have ligma, how about you ligma balls? 😏 (It’s all about how you pronounce the end.)
The cashier kicked me out because when he asked for 99 cents, I gave him 99 scents.
Roses are red, violets are blue, You missed your lesson today, so you are gay.
Why can't you have a tall dog? You will have pups in a week.
Why can't orphans play soccer? Because they can't practice with their dad.
Go to an orphanage and tell a kid his parents came back.
What's the best part about a dead prostitute?
The second hour is free.
Yo mama so stupid, she tried to climb Mt. Dew.
Why are there no guns in China? They might do some "ting wong!"
Why are orphans gay? Because they can’t come out to anyone.
Robin Williams' death was the most horrible impression ever given. (RIP Robin Williams, you will be missed!)
Never take a person canoeing or kayaking if they had a cerebrovascular accident.
They’ll hear the one word they hate the most: “STROKE, STROKE, STROKE!”
Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year?
They have no mother's or father's day.
For all the Harry Potter fans:
A VPN is occlumency for smart devices, and our ISP is a legilimens.
Penaldo song 🎵🎵🎵
He has conquered all the Farmers. He is never going to stop. From Lithuania down to Andorra, He has scored a fucking lot. Penalties and Tapins, The Fields of Faroe Islands, He is our GOAT, And his name is Cristiano Columbus. Allez, Allez, Allez Allez, Allez, Allez
I have many jokes about unemployed people, but sadly, none of them seemed to have worked.
My girlfriend's dog died, so I got her a new one in replacement, and she went off on me and yelled,
"What am I supposed to do with 2 dead dogs in my house?!"
Why can't the orphans play baseball?
They have no home to run to...