Worst Jokes Ever
If your nose runs and your feet smell, you are probably built upside down.
Your mother is so fat, she actually went on a diet and started exercising, and I hear she's doing quite well now.
Good Morning, Sleepy-Head!
Me: A lot of things changed since I got my wife pregnant.
Friend: Like what?
Me: My name, my address, my phone number...
What's the difference between a Catholic priest and acne?
Acne waits until you're 13 to come on your face.
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they all beat the room for being black.
Hardest part about being a paedophile?
Fitting in.
Did you know pigeons die after sex?
Well, at least the one I fucked did.
What do you call two transgender midgets having sex?
A microtransaction.
I used to work for a company called 69. My friend took over my position.
Did you hear about the man who died of a Viagra overdose?
They couldn't close the casket.
My birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
If per capita is an issue, decapita can be arranged.
Doctor: You'll be at peace soon, sir.
Me: What? Am I dying?
Doctor: No, your wife is.
Despite my devilish attitude, I have the heart of a small boy.
I keep it in a jar on my desk.
I'm related to diarrhea; it runs in my jeans.
Why are Germans so good at cleaning?
They have experience in ethnic cleansing.
My grandpa was the best soldier ever. He gunned down over 100 soldiers in his bunker during D-Day.
Hey.
Girl: Hey.
Damn, I forgot my spray bottle.
Girl: What?
It says "spray on flat surfaces."
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said, "I know you wanna." Jack undressed, and she pulled up her dress so they could have some fun. But stupid Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.