Your forehead's so big that it has its own gravitational pull.
I gave my blind friend a piece of sandpaper. He said it was the most gruesome book ever.
A doctor walks into his office and looks his patient in the eyes, "Sir, you have to stop jerking off."
The man asks, "Why?"
The doctor then says, "Because I'm trying to examine you."
I offered to share a meal with a homeless person once, but he said, "Piss off and buy your own!"
It's not easy to make good pedophilia jokes, because it's a very touchy subject.
I had a calf for a while. The milk was bad until we bought a heifer.
I hate the 9/11 jokes; my dad and grandpa were killed.
My dad was one hell of a pilot.
Grandpa was a hell of a planner.
You never think of how people will react to an event. My friend gets discounts at any store he goes to.
So my depressed friend wanted to high-five the tree by the cemetery.
The tree left him hanging though.
Why can't an orphan have a phone?
Because they will see a home.
Q: What did the stop light say to the other stop light
A: Stop looking, I’m changing
This account is run by a peadophile.
Why were the Twin Towers mad?
Because they got plane pizza instead of cheese!
I will remember my classmate's last words: "Ahh, my pen's ink spilled on my computer!"
I remember my son's last words: "I stubbed my toe!"
I will remember my auntie's last words: "If you shoot me, your p-nis is small!"
(gun shot)
I will remember my brother's last words: if you can't put a fork in a toaster, how about a spoon?
People are like trees. They fall when you hit them multiple times with an axe.
Merry Christmas, my fellow hoes!
What does a relationship and suicide have in common?
I always fail on committing.
