What do you call a picture of an orphan?
A family photo.
Women treat me like a god.
They ignore me till they need something.
My late grandpa was always popular with women. One day, before he died, I asked him what his secret was. He said, "I inherited a watering hole."
Bewildered, I replied, "What does that have to do with anything?"
"I could easily get anyone wet because I was well endowed."
Two women, Jane and Emma, are in the afterlife waiting for judgement.
Emma turns to Jane and says, "I'm just curious, but how did you die?"
Jane replies with, "I burnt to death."
Emma, shocked, responds with, "That sounds horrible! What was it like?"
Jane answers with, "It first felt really hot and painful, but then I felt nothing. How did you die?"
Emma replies with, "Well, I believed my husband was cheating on me. I decided to leave work early one day to make sure he was loyal. I found him on the phone with his mother. I thought he was hiding something from me so I ran to the bedroom and found nothing. Then I sprinted to the kitchen and didn't find anything. I then jolted outside to the backyard and just found that he hadn't cleaned the pool. I was so tired from running that I fell over into the pool and drowned."
Jane retorts with, "Well if you checked the oven neither of us would be here right now."
What do you call a gay priest? Hahahahahaha!
Which country can swim?
Finland. Get it? Fin Land?
I thought God didn't make mistakes, but then I saw your face.
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
They stuck a plunger down the toilet.
Ur mom is emo.
What's the difference between a priest and SpongeBob?
SpongeBob asks if you're ready first.
Your hairline is so far back my grandpa said he had a glimpse of it in the 1960s.
Your hairline legit looks like the Himalayan mountain range, except you need binoculars to find it.
Your hairline is so messed up, it made Jeffrey Dahmer cry.
My mate Noha.
When I dunk my cookies in milk, I think of you. I hold them down until the bubbles stop.
Why can't the USA and England play chess?
USA has no towers and England has no queen.
Once there was an old lady...
Congratulations, stop bragging!
You're so fat that when you got to McDonald's, they had to call Wendy's for backup.
How are this joke and the kid with cancer alike?
It never gets old.
