Neither jokes
Vote Biden or Trump, I like neither, but I want to know what the world would say. (Don't judge other people.)
Have you ever seen a blind man swim?
No.
Neither has he.
What starts with M and ends with carriage?
This joke never gets old, but then again neither does the baby.
Two women, Jane and Emma, are in the afterlife waiting for judgement.
Emma turns to Jane and says, "I'm just curious, but how did you die?"
Jane replies with, "I burnt to death."
Emma, shocked, responds with, "That sounds horrible! What was it like?"
Jane answers with, "It first felt really hot and painful, but then I felt nothing. How did you die?"
Emma replies with, "Well, I believed my husband was cheating on me. I decided to leave work early one day to make sure he was loyal. I found him on the phone with his mother. I thought he was hiding something from me so I ran to the bedroom and found nothing. Then I sprinted to the kitchen and didn't find anything. I then jolted outside to the backyard and just found that he hadn't cleaned the pool. I was so tired from running that I fell over into the pool and drowned."
Jane retorts with, "Well if you checked the oven neither of us would be here right now."
What do you call a Downey with glasses?
No, me neither.
Have you walked into Stephen Hawking's house?
Oh, neither did he.
Did you know Hellen Keller had a doll house in her backyard? Neither did she.
What do Paul Walker and I have in common? Neither of us have seen Fast and the Furious 7.
Did you know that Helen Keller has a swing in her backyard?
Neither did she.
An ugly, arrogant woman walked into a store with her 2 kids, yelling at them.
The store clerk pleasantly said, "Good morning ma'am and welcome. Nice children, are they twins?"
The ugly woman stopped yelling and said, "Hell no they are not, one is 9 and the other is 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just bloody stupid?"
The clerk replied, "I'm neither blind nor stupid ma'am, I just can't believe someone would screw you twice."
Did you know Paul Walker had dandruff? Neither did I til I seen his Head and Shoulders on the dashboard.
Neither of them respect boundaries.
My plants in my garden are like the Twin Towers; neither of them fell, just the flowers.
Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Neither. It was evolution.
What do Joe Biden and Russia have in common?
Neither of them respect boundaries.
What do black parents and elevators have in common?
Neither of them can raise anything without a belt.
Two nuns are riding their bikes down a cobblestone path.
One nun turns to the other one and says, "I’ve never come this way."
The other one says, "Neither have I. It must be the cobblestones."
Friend 1: I don't want to jump.
Friend 2: Me neither.
Murderer: If you don't jump, I'll stab you.
Friend 1: *jumps*
Friend 2: *jumps*
Murderer: I didn't mean off the building!
Friend 1: I know that. I just pretended to jump to get rid of that guy.
Have you ever stepped in Stephen Hawking's house?
Neither has he.
Have you ever had Ethiopian food??
Neither have they.