Neither jokes
Two women, Jane and Emma, are in the afterlife waiting for judgement.
Emma turns to Jane and says, "I'm just curious, but how did you die?"
Jane replies with, "I burnt to death."
Emma, shocked, responds with, "That sounds horrible! What was it like?"
Jane answers with, "It first felt really hot and painful, but then I felt nothing. How did you die?"
Emma replies with, "Well, I believed my husband was cheating on me. I decided to leave work early one day to make sure he was loyal. I found him on the phone with his mother. I thought he was hiding something from me so I ran to the bedroom and found nothing. Then I sprinted to the kitchen and didn't find anything. I then jolted outside to the backyard and just found that he hadn't cleaned the pool. I was so tired from running that I fell over into the pool and drowned."
Jane retorts with, "Well if you checked the oven neither of us would be here right now."
Have you walked into Steven Hawking's house yet?
Yeah, neither has he.
Have you seen Dolly Parton's new shoes? Neither has she!
Why is Peter Pan always flying? He Neverlands!
Where do sheep go to get their hair cut? The baa-baa shop.
Why did Adele cross the road? To sing, “Hello from the other side!”
How do trees access the internet? They log in.
Did you get them? Me neither. I mean, it is worst jokes ever. I'm kidding, I actually do understand them.
So, I was watching YouTube, and then my friend says, "Those videos never get old." I replied, "Just like a Make-A-Wish kid." After I said that, he shot me in the head and said, "And now neither do you." Now I’m in Heaven, and God says to me, "Welcome to Paradise where it is summer days, clear skies," and I said, "Are there summer women?" Now here I am in Hell with my buddy Hitler. I believe he’s a hero after he killed Hitler.
What do orphans, parents, and Nemo have in common?
Neither can be found.
Did you know that Helen Keller has a swing in her backyard?
Neither did she.
What is the similarity between an anti-joke and a clown? Neither are funny.
I can't stand up when I laugh hard; neither can they.
What's better, a woman or a man?
Neither, for I am WHITE.
What does an abortion joke and a fetus have in common... The joke never gets old, and neither does the kid.
Have you heard anything about this Chuck Norris guy? Yeh, me neither.
Did you hear about the Chinese student?
Me neither.
Vote Biden or Trump, I like neither, but I want to know what the world would say. (Don't judge other people.)
Have you ever walked into Stephen Hawking's house?
No, neither has he.
It's weird how Stephen Hawking's last name sounds like "walking and talking," but he could not do either of those!
What is the difference between a banana and a helicopter? Neither of them is a police officer.
Did you hear about the elephant with no nose?! Me neither.
Have you ever walked into Stephen Hawking's house?
No? Neither did he.
You didn't know that Helen Keller is dead? It's fine; neither does she.