Neither jokes

Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Neither. It was evolution.

My plants in my garden are like the Twin Towers; neither of them fell, just the flowers.

Have you ever heard of hearing aids?

Yeah, me neither.

I said, "Are you half left or half right?"

"Neither! In-between."

"What?! In between your mom's tits when you go to sleep with her at night?"

Have you ever seen Helen Keller's dog?

Neither has she.

Have you ever had Ethiopian food??

Neither have they.

Two rabbits were racing. Neither could get ahead, so they ended in a hare-tie!

Q. What's the difference between people and a toilet?

A. Neither does R. Kelly.

Have you ever stepped in Stephen Hawking's house?

Neither has he.

Have you heard about the movie about constipation?

Me neither, it hasn't come out yet.

Have you ever had African water??

Neither have they.

I’ve never had Indonesian food. Huh...

Neither have they.(:

The Fast of Ramadan

In the northwestern slice of Alaska known as Seward, a horseboy stood, with broom in hand, in the vast courtyard of the royal stables of the sultan. He was waiting for dusk to fall. All day long he had eaten nothing. He had not even tasted the leftover fish tucked in his turban nor the enormous purple grapes that spilled over the palace wall into the stable yard. He had tried not to sniff the rich, amazing, warm feeling fragrance of ripening of that sweet pomegranates.

For this was the sacred month of Ramadan when, day after day, all faithful Mohammedans neither eat nor drink from the dawn before sunrise until the moment after sunset!

What do you call a Downey with glasses?

No, me neither.

Does anyone ever get tired of being random? Me neither.

Have you ever seen a blind man swim?

No.

Neither has he.

Do you remember what Bruce Willis' last movies were?

Neither does he.

Have you ever had Ethiopian food?

Don't worry, neither have they.

Do you know Helen Keller?

Yes.

Did you know she had a dog?...... Neither did she!

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because the chicken had 4 chicks and a cheating hen who all sucked out all his money he got from his extremely boring job, and he finally got some peace for himself and was going to the local bar, which was on the other side of the road.

He walked in the door, wings sagging, feathers catching on his claws. The bartender eyes him as he sits on a bar stool. "Chuck, how ya doin'? The missus doin' good?"

"Just give me the hardest stuff you got. I'm done."

This caught the bartender by surprise. "Chuck, come on, don't be sayin' that. Just look to the future and you'll be fine."

"What future?" Chuck replied in a huff. "My wife and chicks are so goddamn pestering sometimes, you know? But if I leave, they'll all suffer, and I don't want that either. Oh, God, Phil, I don't know what to do."

"You know, you've got a good heart for a rooster your age," Phil answered. "We need that in these parts. I'm tellin' ya, there will be more than what's happenin' right now, ya know, life's got all its gears turning for ya, and there's just a bit slow right now. The gears haven't been oiled in a while, but who's the only one who can fix that?"

Chuck knew the answer. "Me."

Phil returned with his drink. "McClucken's Whiskey, on the house."

Chuck glanced at his glass. He held it up to the light. His face reflected in an aura around it, neither looking forward to the light and not backward, either.

"No thanks, Phil," Chuck sighed, "But thanks anyways."

He went to get up out of his chair. Phil called as he walked out the door, "Just remember to oil the gears every now and then, eh?"

Chuck's comb flapped in a cool breeze brought in by the season. A bench was nearby, staring across to the other side. And he just sat there, sat there thinking. Cars blurred to a colorfully colorless nothingness as he thought in silence.

He could see an open window in his mind, full of chickens: a sassy hen, two identical sportish chick; another, older than the two, and body bristling with blue comb-dye and the latest thing he watched online fresh on his Chickstagram page; finally, the first of the bunch, shy, bookish, with a secretly courageous soul. They all looked... worried, worried for the rooster who guided them, helped them grow, supported them... and all looking out of the window back at him.

A single tear welled in Chuck's eye.

The chicken walked back across the road to his family, to his friends, and to the life he was content with.