Need jokes
Why do Russians drink grizzly bear piss?
Since vodka in Russia is so weak, Russians need a strong drink to get drunk.
I went to visit my friend who is a stand up comedian and I asked him, "Why do you have so much art supplies, clothing fabrics, and building supplies in your basement?"
He responded with, "I don't know what it is people think I need it all for, but almost every time I perform, people tell me I need new material!"
My family is like treasure; you need a map and a shovel to find them.
Yes, I have gained weight. I have also gained more brains. Do you want some? You talk like you definitely need some more.
Yesterday I saw an orphan walking down the street. I asked him if he was ok. He said no, so I asked him if he needed help. And he said yes, so I let him in my car and said, "Don't worry, you'll be home with your parents soon." He said my parents died. I said I know.
Why do orphans play GTA?
Because they need to know what it’s like to be wanted.
I need a hug.
*hugs train*
Yo mama is so fat that when she was at school, they needed a satellite to take her school photo.
Why can’t orphans go on field trips?
Because they need a parent signature.
Yo mama so fat that she doesn't need the internet, she is worldwide.
Why can't orphans go to school? They need their parents to sign them up.
Two flies were playing football in a saucer. One tells the other, “You’ll need more practice if you want to play in the cup!”
What do you call a fudge packer who has special needs?
A gay black male that has Down Syndrome.
Everyone tells me I need to stop making prostitute jokes.
I guess they're whore-ible.
My son said that bully needs a pounding, then I say, "Yeah, right, that is what I said and did to your mother." My son opens his mouth and freezes. I guess he knew what I was talking about.
A man goes into a job interview and sits down.
The interviewer is looking over his resume and says, "I see here that there's a 4-year gap on your resume. What were you doing?"
The man says, "Oh, that was when I went to Yale!"
The interviewer is impressed and says, "That's great! You're hired!"
The man smiles. "Really? I'm so glad, because I really need this Yob."
Tip for Kindness for the day.
Tip one. Always speak up for yourself.
Yes, letting someone else speak up for you is nice but also speak up for yourself, be brave if a mean bully comes along. Speak up for yourself and others if they need it. Best, Gwen
I am really gay. I just needed to confess this.
A man goes to a doctor and says he's having problems shitting, so the doctor gives him an enema and says he needs to do it a few times at home, but does the first one for him. So the guy bends over the table, lubes him up, and shoves it deep in him, and he yells.
So later, the man goes home and tells his wife he needs her help with the enema. So he bends over, she lubes him up, puts a hand on his shoulder, and she shoves it up there, and he starts screaming and cussing, and the wife asks, "Did I hurt you?" He said, "No, I just realized when the doctor did it, he had both hands on my shoulders."
How do you get a million fans?
Just run through Africa with a bottle of water.