Need jokes
My mom was cooking dinner and asked me if I could get her a cutting board.
"No, I need you to take off your shirt and lay on the island so I can cut some chicken."
My four conditions:
1. I need coffee.
2. I need vacation.
3. I need food.
4. I need tape, axe, saw, bag, shovel, and an alibi.
What do you call a kid with special needs with a gun? Special Forces.
If a man and a woman need a marriage license to get married, does a lesbian couple need a liquor license to get married?
If a man and a woman need a marriage license to get married, does a lesbian couple need a liquor license to get married?
Memes
A meme for guys
If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple 'thank you' is all I need.
Not all this 'How did you get in my house?' business.
I went to visit my friend who is a stand up comedian and I asked him, "Why do you have so much art supplies, clothing fabrics, and building supplies in your basement?"
He responded with, "I don't know what it is people think I need it all for, but almost every time I perform, people tell me I need new material!"
My family is like treasure; you need a map and a shovel to find them.
Yesterday I saw an orphan walking down the street. I asked him if he was ok. He said no, so I asked him if he needed help. And he said yes, so I let him in my car and said, "Don't worry, you'll be home with your parents soon." He said my parents died. I said I know.
Yes, I have gained weight. I have also gained more brains. Do you want some? You talk like you definitely need some more.
Yo mama so fat that she doesn't need the internet, she is worldwide.
Why can't orphans go to school? They need their parents to sign them up.
Yo mama is so fat that when she was at school, they needed a satellite to take her school photo.
Why canât orphans go on field trips?
Because they need a parent signature.
I need a hug.
*hugs train*
My son said that bully needs a pounding, then I say, "Yeah, right, that is what I said and did to your mother." My son opens his mouth and freezes. I guess he knew what I was talking about.
Why do orphans play GTA?
Because they need to know what itâs like to be wanted.
Two flies were playing football in a saucer. One tells the other, âYouâll need more practice if you want to play in the cup!â
I heard you were looking for a stud. I have the STD, and all I need is U.
I took a special needs child to a shooting range.
Poor bastard had no idea which direction to run in.