Name jokes

This guy came into my library a year ago and borrowed a book named "How to Commit Suicide." He never returned it.

I know this isn't about glue, but here's one:

Cardi B had a sister who was obsessed with fitness. Her name? Cardi O.

If your name is Jack, I think you are a stupid person that leaves their friends and blocks them on everything.

What do you call a legless table? Nothing.

The "F" in "Orphan" stands for "Famulu."

This name makes me want to close season instead of open it.

OK, OK, what's up with the fake Gwens? I am going to use a test to see who is real or not.

The real Gwen will know this. When did I come onto this website? Next question, what is my real name, and do I go on cursing rampages? Only the real Gwen can complete this test with the right answers.

I ought to complain to Spotify for you not being named this week’s hottest single.

Replace the v in Venus with a p.

Isn't there a software company named after your dick?

Microsoft?

What do you call a guy named Kaiden?

I don't know, lol.

There is a dark alley. Who do you call?

Batman.

Q: How can you spell cold with two letters? A: IC (icy).

Q: What state is surrounded by the most water? A: Hawaii (this is really just a trick riddle).

Q: David's father had three sons: Snap, Crackle, and what's the third son's name? A: David.

So, me and my girlfriend that I just got 7 weeks ago, we’re in class. We had this sub named Mrs. Bellatrix.

We both raised our hands and she called on both of us.

Me: First of all, are we in kindergarten? We can’t be doing 4x4 kinda stuff.

Leah: And also, are you from Harry Potter?

Angela: Kris, I just met the nicest, sweetest guy ever.

Kristie: Who is he and what is his name?

Angela: His name is Kevin.

Kristie: Kevin? I remember him. He said he had to go to Italy for a meeting, never seen him after that. What the hell is Kevin doing here?

Angela: I don't know.

A man was walking home but felt tired, so took a short cut through the cemetery. He then heard a tap, tap, then out of the corner of his eye, he saw a man with a hammer hitting the tombstone. The man said, "You scared me. I thought you were a ghost." The other person mumbled, "They spelled my name wrong."

I think we should change Alzheimer’s disease to Joe Biden disease.

Why did Hellen Keller's dog run away?

I'm sure you would run away if your name was kjdhfkuaysbgfbkuejgf.

What is the funniest hill in the world called? Hill-arious!

Do you know Candice?

Candice dick fit in your mouth!