Mythology jokes
What do you get when you cross an eagle with a lion?
A griffin.
[God creating sharks]
God: Ok give them 3 rows of teeth.
Angel: Seems excessive but ok.
God: And make them mean as hell.
Angel: WTF y.
God: BECAUSSE I SAID SO.
Angel:...
God: And make one of the types have a hammer for a head.
Angel: Why do I still work for you?
God: Because I’m the only employer as of right now.
Back in ancient Greece, there was a Greek Skyrim, but instead of FUS ROH DAH, the main character said, "Me damnit, Ganymede, get the #10 lightning bolt, I hate it when Helios lets his kids drive!"
If you don't get this, look up the story of Phaethon, and if you STILL don't get it, then you are dumb.
What does a lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?
"Same time next month?"
What do you call an elf that sings? A Wrapper.
What do you call someone with an extra chromosome winning in a pool?
Posiedown.
Q: Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?
A: He only comes once a year.
Hell in Greek times was known as cold and misty... so now just look at Seattle.
Do you need an ark?
Because I Noah guy!
Why did the vampire go to the doctor?
Because of his coffin.
Why did the mermaid want to go to the evil monster so it could get a real joke? Ha, ah, ah, ha!
A goat drank my Red Bull, so now it's a Baphomet!
What do you call a grey, fat, and very old unicorn?
A rhino.
What's the difference between a Demon and a Redhead?
The Demon at least has a trade offer.
Which brand of underwear does Thor wear?
Asgard.
Yo momma is so ugly, Slenderman runs from her.
It's also why he has no eyes.
Dracula was invited to a BBQ. He got stake.
God made Adam and Eve.
Satan made Adam and Steve.
So, Satan is in the delivery room having a child.
Soon, a feathered creature comes out. "Doctor," says Satan, "What is it?"
The doctor sighs. "Well, it's not a boy, and it's not a girl."
Satan looks frustrated. "THEN WHAT IS IT?!?!?"
The doctor looks up. "It's a goose."
God creating spiders.
God: "Make it have 8 legs." Angel: "Ok? Bit excessive but ok." God: "And 8 eyes." Angel: "You need to calm down and li-" God: "Give it a butt rope!"