What do you call an elf that sings? A Wrapper.
What do you call someone with an extra chromosome winning in a pool?
Posiedown.
Q: Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?
A: He only comes once a year.
Hell in Greek times was known as cold and misty... so now just look at Seattle.
Do you need an ark?
Because I Noah guy!
Why did the vampire go to the doctor?
Because of his coffin.
Why did the mermaid want to go to the evil monster so it could get a real joke? Ha, ah, ah, ha!
A goat drank my Red Bull, so now it's a Baphomet!
What do you call a grey, fat, and very old unicorn?
A rhino.
What's the difference between a Demon and a Redhead?
The Demon at least has a trade offer.
Which brand of underwear does Thor wear?
Asgard.
Yo momma is so ugly, Slenderman runs from her.
It's also why he has no eyes.
Dracula was invited to a BBQ. He got stake.
God made Adam and Eve.
Satan made Adam and Steve.
So, Satan is in the delivery room having a child.
Soon, a feathered creature comes out. "Doctor," says Satan, "What is it?"
The doctor sighs. "Well, it's not a boy, and it's not a girl."
Satan looks frustrated. "THEN WHAT IS IT?!?!?"
The doctor looks up. "It's a goose."
God creating spiders.
God: "Make it have 8 legs." Angel: "Ok? Bit excessive but ok." God: "And 8 eyes." Angel: "You need to calm down and li-" God: "Give it a butt rope!"
What’s the difference between an Englishman and a unicorn?
Nothing.
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A nectarine.
All these sea monster jokes are just kraken me up.
Stephen Hawking never wrote a book... it was a Dragon who was naturally speaking.
