Mythology jokes

God creating spiders.

God: "Make it have 8 legs." Angel: "Ok? Bit excessive but ok." God: "And 8 eyes." Angel: "You need to calm down and li-" God: "Give it a butt rope!"

What’s the difference between an Englishman and a unicorn?

Nothing.

What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?

A nectarine.

All these sea monster jokes are just kraken me up.

Stephen Hawking never wrote a book... it was a Dragon who was naturally speaking.

What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?

Same time next month?

Thor is so gay he farts the rainbow bridge to Asgard.

You know every time we think of sex, an angel dies.

We ran out of dead people hundreds of years ago.

Once there was this Whichdoctor. He walked barefoot most of the time, which gave him impressive calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, and the food gave him bad breath, which made him (wait for it) a Super Callused Fragile Mystic Hexed By Halitosis.

Yo mama so ugly that she turned Medusa to stone.

What do you call a kid with Down syndrome who dresses like a merman? Posiedown.

Chuck Norris knows the location of Atlantis.

Bigfoot is just a normal person who covered himself in Pritt Stick and went down on Susan Boyle.

My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles' elbow.

Chuck Norris wins a staring contest. -- Against Medusa.