My kids [are] so damn bad[.] We took them to Disney in Florida. They paid me not to bring them back ever.
My Jokes
Why did Kristen Stewart fart on the set of Charlie's Angels? Because she ate too much damn chili for breakfast I made for her. I just forgot to put my foot in it.
Here's some of my weird jokes:
What are rhinos? They're unicorns that let themselves go.
Joke # 2: Why do triangles try every angle of its house? Because it's in its name.
Joke # 3: Wanna hear a cheesy joke? Sorry, the mouse got to the cheese first.
My parents gave me a blowjob. It was a blowtastic time!
What did I say to my friend? "Job, your new name is Jojo Siwa."
My dick hard.
Doctor, can I please have a new butt? My old one has a hole and a crack in it.
What did I say to my friend, "Job, your new name is Jojo Siva?"
Me: I'ma sign up to be a clown.
My friend: Why?
Me: Because my life is a joke. 😂
One day in my class, we were having that good snack, and one of my classmates choked on a Cheerio. One small, single, Cheerio!
If her internal clock can tock, she can sit on my cock.
If her internal clock can tick, she can sit on my dick.
Why can't an orphan suck my nut?
A girl can, one knows how.
My mother said I'm sexy. I said no, I have cancer.
My friend Arid asked me what I did over the weekend. I told him, "I read."
Get it? I read? No... ok.
You’ll need a bib when you’re done eating my ribs.
My dog has no nose.
How does he smell?
Terrible!
Me and my friends were talking. Then we started talking about our wives. I said, "So, I married a volcano for a wife. You never know when she will blow up."
Hi, my name is Crappy. I like tacos and more tacos and more tacos and more tacos and more tacos and more tacos and ya now GET LOST!
Why does my cheating ex-wife wear a colostomy bag?
She lost her ass playing poker...
