My jokes

Me say, "Crack my finger."

My hubby crack my finger.

Now say it backwards.

My teacher told me to have a good day. SOOOOOOOOOO I went home :)

Orphan: I want to be a relator.

Teacher: Why?

Orphan: Because I never had one in my childhood.

"Where ya going?"

"When I die, hell, but right now, my room."

I was looking for my sister... I looked down at my feet and saw her.

Rob, you forgot to pay me for letting you sucky sucky on my thang.

AKA you're for sale.

Some people decide to start a blog.

Others decide to start a blog.

You know what my sink started?

A clog.

It was too irritating to listen to her and lend her my ear to talk to.

My friend: Yo stupid.

Me: Is that right, and what exactly have you done in your lifetime that makes you Einstein?

My friend: *rolls eyes and says whatever.*

Me: Keep on rolling them, you might find your brain in there.

Over summer, I shot up my school and left a note saying, "I could have done this anytime!"

Why was I angry on my plane? Because I read these stupid 9/11 jokes.

My dad never came back with the milk. My mom told me he's in the army.

2023- my dad is a cop.

1800- my dad owns your dad.

If Will Smith could be in any movie, he would be in "Find My Hairline."

My cousin is a surgeon.

Last year he botched a surgery he was doing on a patient who happened to be gay. He's being sued for malpractice for turning a fruit into a vegetable.

Dog toys are getting out of control.

My mum's dog has a round bison bone.

Looks like he was chewing on Tracy Latimer's hip or something.

My first thought when I read Betty Pear's obituary was, "Thank God for Alzheimer's!"

I used to be emo, but I don't cut myself to solve my problems anymore.

I just drink a bunch of liquor like an adult.

My friend said she wanted to fly, so I pushed her off a building.

I took my pony to the vet because I thought he was making a funny noise when he neighed. The vet said everything was okay and he was just a little horse.