My jokes

I like my coffee like I like my women.

Big tits.

"Knock, knock.""Who's there?""Not your dad."Random kid: "My dad went to get milk. My mom said he will be back soon."

For some reason, when my mom eats hot dogs, she likes to lick and suck on it first. As a son, can anyone tell me why?

Me rn: "Yo yo yo, for pre-K I went to K.I.S.S. a school."

My friend: "What is K.I.S.M.A.?"

Me: "K.I.S.M.A. balls!"

I hooked up with the groom at my uncle's wedding.

Why does everyone call me racist?

My shadow is black.

I wanted to play Fruit Ninja, but remembered I don’t have a phone. Guess I gotta draw fruit on my arm!

So I was at home, and I went to take a shower, and I accidentally walked in on my brother having sex with some girl. So I left. A couple minutes later, I needed my headphones to listen to music, so I asked my mom where she was. She told me she was in the shower. Our house only has one bathroom. Sweet home Alabama.

Lick my nut.

My aunt worked as a human cannonball.

I'm not sure if she was good at it until she got fired.

I have a stepladder. My real ladder left for milk and never came back.

I told a 9/11 joke to my friends today.

It didn't land well.

Two men are hunting. One asks: "Did you ever hunt bear?" The other one answers: "No, but one time I went fishing in my shorts."

My son told me he wanted to be Batman when he grows up. That little shit wants to be gunned down in an alley.

I think about my life, and then I think about death. I prefer death. If you ask me, life is just a time when you die. Basically, death is life, meaningless 0-0.

My fifth wife asked me to help her dig in the garden. Here we go again.

My girlfriend was cheating in Uno.

She's not the only one who can play that game.

For some reason, my mom likes to lick and suck on hotdogs. As a son, can anyone tell me why?

My proctologist used to be a photographer. He took x-rays and told me to bend over and say "cheese!"

Me: Do you like cobble?

My friend: No.

Me: Gobble deez nuts!