My jokes

My dad has a pretty shitty job.

"I really hate cats," my friend replied with, "You gotta be kitten me."

We never saw him again.

Mortar is like a woman's fanny; the more you play with it, the wetter it gets.

My tutor just said this quote of 2k18^^^

Pontypool is rough.

My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home.

So I was looking through my pictures and I found a picture of a random kid that took a picture of his ugly face. It looked like someone that got hit by a car, then a bus, then a semi.

That’s what I get for not having a password on my iPad.

I was in my car listening to my radio. Steve Winwood's song came on, "Just Roll With It, Baby." I said that must be one of Stephen Hawking's favorite songs; he sings it to his girlfriend.

There was an enemy with a machine gun.

My commander said, "Un-arm the enemy."

So I ran over to the enemy and chopped his arms off.

My teacher told me to have a good day. SOOOOOOOOOO I went home :)

"Where ya going?"

"When I die, hell, but right now, my room."

Some people decide to start a blog.

Others decide to start a blog.

You know what my sink started?

A clog.

It was too irritating to listen to her and lend her my ear to talk to.

Orphan: I want to be a relator.

Teacher: Why?

Orphan: Because I never had one in my childhood.

I was looking for my sister... I looked down at my feet and saw her.

I would tell a joke about my abusive dad, but I can only think of the punchline.

My life, haha, so funny!

I remember my grandma's last words:

"What are you doing with that axe?"

Rob, you forgot to pay me for letting you sucky sucky on my thang.

AKA you're for sale.

How many fat people are in my house?

20, counting the kids in the basement.

"Igma is my balls."

Dad: My kid just said "butch," but since he is a kid, he said a bad word on accident.

*The next day*

Uncle: F*CK!