My jokes
Stormtrooper: What should I do about my overdue library book?
Palpatine: Renew it!
My name says it all.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Rabid cow.
Rabid cow who?
Hold on, I need to get my gun....
Mom: You need to grow up. You're so immature.
Me: *glares* Get out of my castle....
Mom: It's a pillow fort.
Me: Why can't I have an imagination! ?
Mom: You're almost 19 years old.
Me: Not good enough... OUT!
I had to clean out my spice rack and found everything was too old and had to be thrown out. What a waste of thyme.
If my firnd had a baby like this id call him ✨ "retard" ✨
Hello my fellow Canadians, I mean Americans. I, your cool and hip president, has decided to give everyone free ice cream! Even the Russians. Go out to your local ice cream shop and make sure to leave your kids at home!
Why does my brother have no mom?
How many babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? More than 40 because my basement is still dark.
Wanna hear a joke?
My life.
What did the sand say when it got into a fight with the ocean?
"Oh my God, you're such a beach!"
There was a woman sitting with me.
I had to leave until she pointed at something—it was my butt.
I was confused until it was her turn for truth or dare.
There is nothing funnier than my life. (Evan 2020)
My ceiling isn't the best... But it's up there!
A man walked into a shop and asked the shop keeper for a potato clock.
The shop keeper said, "I don't know what a potato clock is."
The man said, "Me neither, but I'm starting a new job and my boss told me work starts at 9, so I'd have to get a potato clock."
How many babies does it take to change a lightbulb?
More than 9 because my basement's still dark.
My dick is longer than your life.
Me- *crying in the shower*
Also me- *why is my toaster in here?*
When my dog barks, he gets ruff.
I like my women like I like my coffee: nice, fresh, and dead.
Why can't orphans go to the hospital? Because it is a family hospital. Sorry for the long break in between my jokes. I just had some family stuff, but I am back.