My jokes
Doctor, can I please have a new butt? My old one has a hole and a crack in it.
My wife found a rock and asked if it was expensive, and I said it "leavarite". She said, "Is that expensive?" and I told her, "Leave it right there."
My wife said I acted like a flamingo, so I had to put my foot down.
My life is a joke.
What's red, takes my belt, and what I got from a weird children's house?
An orphan.
My dick hard.
Why did Kristen Stewart fart on the set of Charlie's Angels? Because she ate too much damn chili for breakfast I made for her. I just forgot to put my foot in it.
What did I say to my friend, "Job, your new name is Jojo Siva?"
What did I say to my friend? "Job, your new name is Jojo Siwa."
Me: I'ma sign up to be a clown.
My friend: Why?
Me: Because my life is a joke. 😂
My kids [are] so damn bad[.] We took them to Disney in Florida. They paid me not to bring them back ever.
Here's some of my weird jokes:
What are rhinos? They're unicorns that let themselves go.
Joke # 2: Why do triangles try every angle of its house? Because it's in its name.
Joke # 3: Wanna hear a cheesy joke? Sorry, the mouse got to the cheese first.
Jake grabbed Lina's thigh and said, "Why don't we have sex? I really wanna see your boobs. I bet they're hot." "Yeah, they are." She took her clothes off and he saw her body. "OMG GODDESS OF BOOBS, PUSSYS AND BUTT LETS HAVE SEX LOOK AT MY..." HE WOKE UP THEN CRIED AND KISSED HIS SISTER'S BUTT. SHE SMACKED HIM THEN HE TOOK HER TO HIS BASEMENT AND KILLED HER FROM SEX.
My mom is gay.
At my sample place, I handed my wife a fork and I lost my job.
Five little monkeys jumping on the bed.
One fell off and bumped his head.
The momma called the doctor and the doctor said,
"Why the heck were my children jumping on a bed?"
Yan nan ate my salty penis.
One night my brother asked me, "Am I a pro gamer?" I said, "No, you're not a Pro-grammer."
Once, there was a man that was coming to my house and peeing in my yard. Then the man came back to my house and flopped his penis everywhere and peed at the same time, and it went all over my face.
So the next day, he came back, and I got my BB gun and shot a metal BB into his peepee.
This didn't actually happen.
Ayo imagine having a chocolate fountain, but instead it cost a billion dollars a gallon and you have a hundred thousands, that number will never equate to how many porno magazines and alcoholic beverages and malty liquors stolen from my brother's bedroom as a desperate attempt at being edgy. Ayo, maybe instead of the future cars being powered by petroleum oil and gas, but with hot chocolate.