My jokes

My mum told me to take you to the zoo and throw you in the lake, but I couldn't find you.

My girlfriend asked for a kiss, so I gave her my dick.

My pansexual son was asked to form a sentence with a word "Carry" on his zoom class earlier on today and he said "Pessi was carried by Iniesta and Neymar to his Mickey Mouse UCL". He received a standing ovation. Children are our hope and I'm proud of the education system!

They say the polar ice caps are melting, good, because my wife's a fat, cold bitch.

My newly wed wife is a porn star. She would probably kill me if she found out.

If your wife says: “What would you most like to do to my body?” “Identify it” is the wrong answer.

Yo, hairline is a distraction to my barber because he wanna fix it so bad (because of how bad it looks).

My dad said not to touch this thingy called a gun, but I looked down that pole and pressed that thing, and now I'm in heaven.

Your so fat, my sister said. I said, "So at least I ain't fatter than your momma."

I was listening to some Drake in class.

My teacher shouted to turn it off. She then exclaimed that "Drake is mid and his music is very Pessi!" I didn’t understand the meaning until I checked the dictionary and realised it is a synonym for overrated.

I went fishing while watching porn, and my girlfriend said, "Well, you want my fish?" and I said, "But you're not in the water."

My roasts aren't funny. At least this shit gets me money.

Okay so not a joke but like- There's a fucking noose in my school gym.

AUGH, oh sorry, I just got a third ball because of girls hitting my balls with a handball!

Yo mama so dumb, when I told her my friend was mute she said, “Can't you unmute her?”

Guys stop before I tell my parents!

The day I saw people asking Lebron James whether he liked to play basketball, my thoughts be like: wait, so Lebron James is gay cuz he likes to play with them balls.

Who wants a picture of my pp?

I was doing a 10km run with my good friend Pessi. As we were setting up our smart watches, the watch voice asked us if we wanted to do a solo run or a group run.

Pessi proceeded to smash both our watches and shout, “I don’t want solo run, I want Penalty!”

Shame on you, Pessi!

"I’m going through a lot of things right now," I said frustratedly to the person on the line as I crashed straight through the next building in my car.