So my sister is a feminist I asked her what do you to hear a rape joke she said no I still decided to force one down her throat anyway.
I started beating my washing machine beacause it wasn't working, my wife started crying.
One morning a dad was sitting and watching TV His daughter comes in and says "dad! Why is my name Rose?" He replied, "Oh! Its because when you were born a rose peddle fell on your head." "Cool" Rose said.
The second daughter walked in and said "dad! Why is my name Daisy?" He replied,"Oh! its because when you were a baby, a daisy peddle fell on your head." "Awesome" Daisy said.
The third daughter came in and said "DuUuBuDuRDeEDeRdUuUuU!!!" "SHUT UP CINDER BLOCK!!!"
I've decided to marry a pencil. I can't wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B.
I had a huge crush on this girl when I was eight, one recess we met together on the playground and she brought me to the corner of the playground, that was my first kiss and from there it got serious. I told my parents a week later and they freaked out, called the police and they aressted my crush. I miss Mrs. Johnson
A Man walks into a bar and Orders 3 shots of Whisky, The Bartender asks "What's got you down" The man says "I just found out my Niece is gay." The next day he orders 4 shots of Whisky The Bartender asks "What's got you down now?" The man says "I just found out my son is gay." The next day he orders 6 shots of whisky The Bartender says "Got anybody who likes Women?" The man says "My wife does."
My friend asked me to describe myself in 3 words...
"Lazy."
Brother: I can hear you using the vibrator every night, I’m right here if you need help Sister: that’s my fu__ing electric toothbrush Brother: oh, well the offer still stands.
Unlike my syndrome I keep my chin up 🙌🏽😁
My friend was a victim of a school shooting once but he couldnt tell if they were in the library because of the suppressor on his ar
Whats the difference between a school bus and my Dad's van?
Schools buses usually don't have screaming and crying children
whats the difference between my arm and my stomach???? my stomach isnt ripped
Most states:
"It's ok, it won't be awkward. We're still friends."
Alabama:
"She didn't wanna be my girlfriend anymore. But she said she'll still be my sister."
What did the football coach say when he went to the bank? -"I want my quarter back."
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
What do you call a dog with no legs...
My asian neighbors dinner.
I just quit my job at a can crushing factory.
It was soda-pressing.
Someone stole my toilet and the police have nothing to go on.
My life is like a broken pencil, it's pointless.
When me and my friend went to the market, my friend tried to scan my arm and I asked her what she was doing and she answered "Oh I had to buy you so I don't steal you"
