My jokes

A man is telling his story to someone. "My friends always said that they would kill me if I wore Gucci or Supreme. On April 1st, I wore both and conversed with them."

"Interesting."

"That's the story of how I got to the morgue," he says to The Gatekeeper of Heaven.

Living in Houston, Texas, and realizing that hurricanes are an annual threat, my ex-wife called me and asked what would be the safest route to get out of Houston to avoid a hurricane. My answer? Take the 610 loop, dear!

I love my dog, Sadie.

What is the difference between you and my dad?

Nothing.

Knock knock!!

Who's there??

Dishwasher!!

Dishwasher who??

Dishwasher way i used to talk when i got my head kicked in!

I put my leg up in the air sometimes, singing ayo, I'm a flamingo...

Spanish is difficult. When my mom gives me food, she says "toma," and that's drink in English, so I always drink my food.

Roses are red, violets are blue, Fortnite is dead, so are you.

(I have no friends because all of my friends play Fortgay, just like my friends all of them are gay.)

I did not want to join sailing, but my friend roped me into it.

Roses are red,

my life is a disaster,

the children are fast,

but the combine is F A S T E R!

I love my mom.

If one of ya'll could find my weave, that'd be great!

I asked Stephen if he was an organ donor, and he said why.

I said, "That's a shame. I need parts for my go-cart."

If an old person tells you what to do just say, "At least my parents are alive!"

I tried to name my grass "emo" so it will cut itself.

My sister told me words don't hurt her, so I chucked a dictionary at her.

My mom told me we were flying to a building to see my aunt. I wondered, "Are we about to relive 9/11?"

Don't take my posts seriously, take them like your ex took you—as a joke.

I saw an orphan on the street. I said, "Where are your parents?" He cried and said, "My mum and dad died in a car crash!" 😆😆😂😂🤣

Wanna touch my shirt? It's made of boyfriend/girlfriend/partner material.