My jokes

"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Your mom." "Your mom who?" "It's not your mom, it's my mom!"

1. Are you talking to me because I think you talked to my backside?

2. Your mom must taste good because it is always in your mouth.

3. My foot lasts longer than your life.

Me and my suicidal friend are close, so I took him to the mall to treat him.

We bought snacks, a new controller for his Xbox, and LED lights for his room to hopefully brighten his mood. After we scanned the last item, the machine beeped by itself.

My friend Harry.

Chuck: That's my sister, mister, and I'm gonna save her!

Red: snooore, snoooore

Silver: *straining to get outta buff eagle's grip*

Chuck: *goes super sonic speed and breaks outfit*

Chuck VS RED

Both LOSE!

Wanna touch my shirt? It's made of boyfriend/girlfriend/partner material.

"My name is Osama, I lost my jobba, so I became a BOMBA 💣"

I saw an orphan on the street. I said, "Where are your parents?" He cried and said, "My mum and dad died in a car crash!" 😆😆😂😂🤣

My "friend" has dyslexia.

All my friends live in a forest. It's called Aokigahara.

Your forehead is so big it blocked my phone service!

Don't take my posts seriously, take them like your ex took you—as a joke.

Roses are red, violets are violet,

My dad died in 9/11, he was a great pilot!

I love to decorate my room because it's a great way to express your heart, though I just remembered, my room is pretty black and empty...

Roses are red.

I have free candy. Get in my van. I have free candy!

Guy 1: "Stop looking at my ass!" Guy 2: "I said look at Uranus." Guy 1: "I'm looking at uranus!" Guy 2: "I said Uranus like the planet!" Guy 1: "Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"

Why did the autistic kid walk across a busy road?

He was chasing his mind and got hit by a car.

I wasn’t close to my dad when he died. It’s a good thing he stepped on a land mine.

I was stark nude. Hehe, I was. I truly and sincerely was.

The nurses giggled and said, "Joseph, why the hell is your wiener so loving?"

My penis purred and stroked their hands. I laughed and said, "I do not know."

So I suggested to my wife that she'd look sexier with her hair back...

Which is apparently an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient.