My jokes

What's the difference between a Lambo and 100 dead babies?

I don't have a Lambo in my garage.

My favorite sex position is the JFK:

I splatter all over her as she screams and tries to get out of the car.

If you have sex and your African parents find out,

“You can do the boom boom. But you can not do the boom boom in my house. Do it somewhere else."

How do you turn a straight guy into a gay guy? Well... for starters, you grab that ass of his, drag him into the bathroom, and tell him to suck my long, big pineapple, and thus you have yourself one straight guy converted into a dick-sucking machine.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Rabid cow.

Rabid cow who?

Hold on, I need to get my gun....

Me and my mom order Chinese food. So when it came, my mom grabbed the egg roll and started to suck it down. Then I ask my mom what are you doing. Then my mom says, "I love you for 5 dollar."

Lol, I switched out my friend's leukemia medication for mercury.

Like and comment if you get it!

My wife asked me to get her a puppy. I agreed and went to an animal shelter. As I was searching for a puppy, a fire was set, and the entire animal shelter burned down.

A few hours later, I returned to my wife. She knew I had no puppies and asked why. I replied, "I couldn't find any." She understood but was upset, so I gave her something that I did get. She said, "Wow! This is good, what smokehouse did you get this at?"

I like my women like my coffee—ground up and frozen.

My cat got run down. That is a cat-astrophe.

A man is telling his story to someone. "My friends always said that they would kill me if I wore Gucci or Supreme. On April 1st, I wore both and conversed with them."

"Interesting."

"That's the story of how I got to the morgue," he says to The Gatekeeper of Heaven.

My girlfriend is like Toys R Us.

She does not exist.

Roses are red, Violets are twisted, Come back to my place, You might get fisted.

What’s the difference between me and cancer?

My dad didn’t beat cancer.

What did one hurricane say to the other?

"I got my EYE on you!"

I did not want to join sailing, but my friend roped me into it.

A duck walks into a bar and buys everyone a round. He tells the bartender, “Put it on my bill.”

I had to stop drinking because I got tired of waking up in my car, driving 90.

I'm so depressed, I gave my therapist trauma.

One day I went to my friend's apartment, and he told me to make myself at home.

I threw him out of the window. I hate having visitors!