My jokes

My dog once went to Uranus. 🐶🤣🤣🤣

You know, because dogs sniff Uranus? 😂😂😂

I wish my lawn was emo so it would cut itself.

I went to ask my friend's mom if I could have a sleepover.

Then I remembered they did not have a mom or dad.

I was raised as an only child.

Which really annoyed my twin sister.

Orphan: Have you seen my mommy?

Person: Are you an orphan?

Orphan: Yes?

Person: SON SON??? IS THAT YOU MY LOVE?

Orphan: MOTHER!

Person: Let's go home!

Orphan: Uhhhh

*She was never to be seen again*

You're so skinny my grandma gonna use you like a cane.

*Coughs roughly* Oh my God, it hurts so much. I can't see. It burns! Help!!! Help!!! Help!!! Help!!! *Weakly*

I ate my mom.

L bozos fell like my grandma on the stairs.

I took the trash to the recycling bin, and two days later, my mom asked me, "Where's your sister?" I said, "In the recycling line to be turned into a bottle."

My BALLS itched when I crashed the plane.

The doctor told me my temperature was exactly 98.6 degrees. I felt relieved until he said, “Celsius.”

My wife said she would slam my head into my keyboard if I did not get off video games.

But don't worry I think she was just joking.

I was lip to lip yesterday, and now I can't get the cum out of my mouth.

I ordered my sandwich at a restaurant on 9/11 spicy, it came out plain.

Me and my girlfriend broke up, and I stole her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?

My Dad: Son, history always repeats itself.

Me: So you're gonna leave me again?

My mate caught me sniffing his disabled sister's knickers the other day. It wouldn't have been so bad, but she was wearing them at the time. It made the rest of the funeral so awkward.

Little Johnny was learning about anal sex, when he learned what it was he said, "My uncle just calls this shhhhh..."

"My name is Osama, I lost my jobba, so I became a BOMBA 💣"