My jokes

So I was eating this girl out the other day, and I GOT AIDS. How does a 9-year-old give me AIDS? I guess my sister was hanging around the wrong crowd.

Pope Francis: "What is the hardest thing about nailing a young boy to a cross?"

"My penis."

A young boy is in a tepee with his father, just after his sister's naming ceremony. Curious to how it works, he asks his dad, "Father, why is my sister's name Tulip?"

His father responds, "That is her name because a tulip was the first thing she saw when she first opened her eyes."

The boy was still puzzled. "What about big brother Sparrow?"

"His name is Sparrow because a sparrow landed on him when he first began walking."

The boy finally asked how he was named. "Well, we decided to name you the same way as your sister."

The boy nods with understanding, "Thank you, father."

"No problem, Two-Dogs-Fucking."

Hey guys, Billy has this weird disability where when he has sex with someone, he says their name really loud.

Billy: Hey guys, I just got back from my DADS!!

Wait, what Billy?

I always sucked at mazes. I found myself lost over and over again, but if life is a labyrinth, I'd always find the escape. The final dead end, my personal favorite...

To the man in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket: you can hide, but you can’t run.

Don't go to ghostposter.com. The person or persons who run that site are a fucking bunch if dumb fucking cunts who can suck my big cock.

I painted my black PS5 white so the controller would run faster.

A note for My arts/health teacher:

oh ms aziz, you've got no rizz, all she do is screams, whether u like it or not, she thinks this makes her hot, she thinks this makes her pop but it just makes me want to crack her head from the top, until she says STOP, and down on the ground she goes plop... and her screaming has finally stopped, and my plan hasn't flopped thus far.... plan B is ram her with my car, fill her shoes with tar, and the prahnas i'll set on her go RAWR... she don't know what she coming for.

My son said he burnt food on accident, so I told him he was an accident.

"I asked my friend what his height is?" He answered, "I'm sans'sational!"

There's a difference between my brother and Stephen Hawking.

At least Stephen Hawking does something.

I don't understand the plane crash at 9/11. My dad was a great pilot!

I snorted a line of coke off my 8-year-old sister’s tiny prepubescent vag. She just laid there and let me do it without complaining, probably because she was already dead.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, You slept with my cousin but I did too.

I went to a butcher house with my little cousin and saw a baby pig and told her, "Look, it's Pepa Pig!"

She started crying.

My gf told me she was pregnant, so I punched her in the stomach.

She asked me why the hell I did that. I told her I wanted to let her know I’m pro abortion.

Q: How many dead babies does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: I don't know, there are twenty in my basement, and my basement light still isn't fixed.

A woman walks into a dentist's office, sits on the counter, and spreads her legs.

The dentist says, "I think you have the wrong idea with that." The woman replies, "Last week you gave my husband his false teeth; now you can get them out."

My dad, unfortunately, passed away when we couldn’t remember his blood type...

His last words to us were, “Be positive!”