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My jokes

When I was in high school, me and my friends would play with this girl who had Down syndrome.

We would get into a circle around her and say, "Nightmare, nightmare!"

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    • Woman one: "I got so mad at my GPS today that I told it to go to hell!"

    Woman two: "Did that work?"

    Woman one: "Well, it took me to my in-laws’ house."

    There is only one thing I have to give my enemies.

    A bucket full of dead baby heads and semen so they can replenish their spawn.

    The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.

    I was talking to my old friend. They said, "We should hang out more!"

    I said, "You mean we should ketchup?"

    I was eating my cereal while watching the news, then I saw my cereal on the news, saying he was a "serial" killer.

    I left my dog at home once, and when I came home it was a mess. Let's just say I was in a RUFF situation.

    I once was sitting outside and watched the birds go by. I checked my watch and said, "My, how time is FLYING by!"

    Superman was flying one day when he saw Wonder Woman laying by the pool completely naked. He thought, "I can fuck her so fast she wouldn't even know what happened." So he then flew down to the pool and did fuck her.

    Wonder Woman stood up and said, "What was that?" The Invisible Man said, "I don't know, but my asshole stinks!"

    One dog said to the other dog, "Man, it is hard sleeping on the floor."

    The other said, "Really? I like my bed."

    What's the difference between a spare tire and dead hookers? I don't have 8 spare tires in my trunk.

    What's the difference between my car and a hooker? I park my car in a garage instead of leaving it on the side of the road.

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    • I like my cigars like I like my women: 7 years old and in a burlap sack from Cuba.

    Ok, not really racist but still funny.

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