My jokes
I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
When I try to eat, but I hurt my feet. When I using a hoe, but I hurt my toe. When I going to a doctor, but then I get trolled. Oh I just, want to say, what the flip?!!
When I using a copper, but I enveloped by a hopper. When I trying to draw someone, but it ended up with a punishment. When I spit on a bunny, it jumps right on me. Oh I just, want to say, what the flip?!!
When I growing older, someone called me a slacker. When I was 33, I bumped into a tree. When I getting angry, people calls me crazy lady. Oh I just, want to say, what the flip?!!
Me: Hi Kallen.
Kallen: Hi.
Me: You're too big to fit in my car.
I speak for the trees.
*Trees whisper in my ear*
They said six million wasn't enough.
My friend looks like a homeless, thanks for the jokes.
What's the difference between me and my best friends?
At least one of us has a house.
Brother: "I can hear you using the vibrator every night, I’m right here if you need help."
Sister: "That’s my f***ing electric toothbrush!"
Brother: "Oh, well the offer still stands."
My friend had a house FULL of okra, but it blew up and okra was everywhere.
I guess you can call that place Okra-homa!
Don't touch my pickles - they are very picklish.
I still to this day remember my grandpa's last words.
"I'M ALLERGIC TO FUCKING CATS!"
My sister's boyfriend is mad because I fucked his girl.
I had a boyfriend once. He broke up with me because he "wanted to be more alive." I guess it didn't work when he went to my basement.
My friend told me I should be a stand up comedian but... I prefer sitting.
I like my coffee the way I like jokes about my coffee, I don't.
Guess how I got away from my mom saying I can't play Fortnite? I took my stuff and I ran to Iran.
Dad: My kid just said "butch," but since he is a kid, he said a bad word on accident.
*The next day*
Uncle: F*CK!
I met this kid and he was being bullied by 9 people. I Asked 1 whats going on. They all said another one to bully they all tried hitting me and then my mates which was like 15 of them came in and it was like war all over again.
What's the difference between a dead baby and a sandwich?
I don't put my dick in a sandwich before I eat it.
Calculate my dick, virgins!
Fila is a cool brand. I fill a cock in my ass.