I fear my last words will be "hold my beer and watch this."
My Jokes
I caught my sister licking up and down and deep throating a banana. I said, "Why are you doing that for?" She replied, "I'm doing it for practice for your friends."
I told my mum that a few guys tell me that you're a MILF.
My mom said what that is. I reply, "Mom, I'd Like To Fuck." My mum started out to laugh, then she told me, "Well, now you need a new stepdad."
What did my grandpa say after he kicked the bucket?
Nothing, I unplugged his life support before he said a word.
One time this kid came back from school and said, "Mom I have one good news and one bad news, which one do you wanna hear first?" And his mom said, "Good news please," and the boy said, "I got 100% on my math test today." and his mom gave him a hug, and the boy said, "Now to the bad news, I LIED!"
My friend Nickiya wanted to know what animal she'd be. I said that she would be a "Ni-cat-a."
My friend asks for a turkey burger on 4th of July. I say, "That's Thanksgiving, man!"
My life #freemymanrkelly
If I could be any creature, I would be a Unicorn because they are Beautiful, Majestic, Sparkly, Bright, Gods. They create Joy and Happiness everywhere they go.
Unicorns made my life better when I got to know them more. ^-^ They filled my life with more Happiness. I believe in the Unicorns, and they'll believe in me. I am not a Unicorn, although I am the Princess of the Unicorn Land, but if I could be any creature, I would be a Unicorn! :P
My dad is like a unicorn.
He's never here. :c
A girl comes up to her dad and says, "Can I borrow the car tonight? I want to go to this party." Dad says, "If you give a head job..." The girl says, "You're my dad! How can you say that?" Dad says, "If you want the car..." The girl thinks, "Okay." She starts. Dad says, "That tastes like sh*t." Dad: "Yeah, your brother wanted the car this morning."
Spread my legs like butter n finger me hard. π π π
I got my daughter a fridge for her birthday.
I canβt wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
She looked at me surprised.
(P.S. I am not at that age plus I am as straight as a helix ruler.)
I will always remember my baby sister's last words: "What is the fire for?"
What would you find on a haunted beach?
A sand-witch!
"Hey guys, I'm a new jokester, remember my name as I'll be making a lot more!!! P.S. They will be much better than this one!"
Last time I got a piece of ass was when my finger went through the toilet paper.
I don't like 9/11 jokes because they always talk about how bad of a plane driver my dad is.
How many hookers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Must be more than 9 because my basement is still dark.
Roses are red, violets are black, I traded my son for 10 Big Macs.