My jokes
Wanna ride a reindeer for Christmas? *rubs my antlers on you*
After my wife died, I couldn't even look at another woman for 10 years.
But now that I'm out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it!
My grief counselor died today. He did such a great job. I don't even care.
Why is it that when women decide to kill an unborn baby, it's a "CHOICE," but when I decide to drive my F-150 into a playground full of kids, it's called "MURDER"!
My sister gives her hamster to my brother since she thinks I'm irresponsible, so I throw it out the window.
What’s the difference between a motorcycle and a mutilated body?
I don’t have a motorcycle in my garage.
My kid had an accident.
Some dude: Water you thinking?
Me: You're drowning in my head.
So I got my son a trampoline for Christmas this year, and he was so ungrateful, like he just sat there crying in his wheelchair. What has this world come to?
What will Reddit be without the robot logo?
Reddot.
The joke is my life.
"Mixed vegetables is just special ed class, change my mind."
When I die, I want my body to be cremated.
And fucked! Fucked really hard, papí!! Like a real whore!! Like a real tramp!! Stuff your entire cock in there!!! Uhh!! Uhh!!
It’s disappointing that Los Angeles doesn’t offer better transportation, especially since my neighbor offers free mustache rides every night.
I had a dog with an eating disorder.
He wouldn’t eat any of my homework.
When I was a child, my parents told me my uncle was 'sleeping with the fishes.' At first, I thought he bought a water bed, but I then discovered he was killed and buried at sea.
How come none of my friends have dungeons? Oddly enough, they all have "rape dungeons."
In 2013, it was reported that China has lost around 28,000 rivers; over half of what they thought existed. Some say climate change is the cause, others say it’s their harsh, economic expansion that’s unapologetic to the environment.
My theory is that those 28,000 rivers were sold to underground river-sex trafficking.
Why don't I poop Windex? Because I Pledge to do my doodie!
Put some Windex on it.
My mom told me to take out the trash, but I couldn't find you.