My jokes
My mom died when we couldn’t remember her blood type. As she died, she kept telling us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without her.
Me and my friends were having a party the other day when some bitch came bitching about the noise. Thankfully, she was hot and had a nice ass, so it was enjoyable raping her.
The next day when I woke up, I found her body only half eaten. Her lower body was still intact, so I went for seconds to fuck off the hangover. Then I had breakfast. Her ass tasted good with some ketchup.
What did the naked man say to the naked woman?
"Suck my dick."
I forgot the world revolves around you. My apologies! How silly of me.
"OH MY GOD! IT SPEAKS!"
My bully: Your face is ugly.
Me: Yeah well your mom is so fat she broke the stairway to heaven.
My bully: :(
What's white, red, blue, and brown all over?
The American flag I used to wipe my ass with.
They say the polar ice caps are melting, good, because my wife's a fat, cold bitch.
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Don’t worry, he woke up.
In my basement.
My dad was a master of art. He was compared to Houdini due to his skill of disappearing.
My mom told me to recycle the trash. I guess I’m taking you for another bike ride!
I have a picture of Uranus on my computer.
The first time I heard your voice, my foreskin fell off.
What’s the difference between jail and my basement?
Some people are let out of jail.
Sometimes I am happy, and there are times I envy my dog.
My wife got mad at me because I took our life savings and brought golden retrievers.
Like, bitch, we can get gold because of these golden retrievers.
What's the difference between a sex slave and a goat?
I don't have a sex slave in my basement...
My sister 🤣😂
"I can lose 10 ugly pounds anytime I want -- I'll just cut off my head!"
Do you use humor to make light of your emotional eating and your weight? Make jokes about overeating and being fat as a way of getting along with other people? I was a Grand Champion at it.
"I'd rather go through the pain of childbirth again than let you drill in my mouth," the woman told her dentist.
He replied, "Well, please make up your mind so I can adjust my chair."