My jokes

What's the difference between when I opened the window in a car wash and when Kawhi Leonard did it? At least my dad didn't get shot in the eye.

I saw that my brother has brain cancer, so I asked him: "Are you big brain?"

I was an orphan as a kid, and I'm pretty sure my favorite thing was seeing parents with their kids.

I think we know why.

"Can I throw you away? You look like my trash can. Oh, wait, you *are* my trash can."

Listen, if my mom sees me on Roblox at 3 a.m., she said she would bang my head against the keyboardndfndfnnckvnksdvknkdsfnvbfw.

I asked my friend if they will show me something retarded. He said, "Go look in a mirror." I said, "Thank you."

when you see a depressed kid, you walk up and say "wassup my lil barcode"

It's about bottling.

It's about crying.

I stay finished, I fake retire.

Put in the diving.

Put in the ghosting

And take my fake trophies.

Eibar and Bolivia in my veins.

My Barcelona banged by Bayern.

I bottle the game, so what's my farmer's name? (Pessi)

My friend said this to me: "Were you born on a highway? Because that's where most accidents happen." :(

Dad: Are you gay?

Kid: Yes.

10 days later.

Kid: I’m going to my girlfriend's house.

Dad: I thought you were gay?

Kid: What’s wrong with you? He’s the girly girl of our relationship, dumba**.

Dad: Don’t swear and okay, bud.

My dog once went to Uranus. 🐶🤣🤣🤣

You know, because dogs sniff Uranus? 😂😂😂

I asked this kid for a high five, but he could not reach my hand.

Girl, are you a public school? Because I want to shoot my kids inside you.

Hello my fellow Canadians, I mean Americans. I, your cool and hip president, has decided to give everyone free ice cream! Even the Russians. Go out to your local ice cream shop and make sure to leave your kids at home!

What's the difference between a dead baby in my trash can and a discarded sex toy?

...

I'm still trying to think of an answer.

My mom is telling me to get off Friday Night Funkin' or she will slam my head against the keyboard: weherhrqqkh[qokqho[krq3[t4i2-4q43q343q44334q43.

What's a cow's favorite newspaper?

The Daily M0Os.

Oh my frickig god, cleared my history and forgot my password for this, 3th account!

Ashley said to me one day, "What is my name?"

And I said, "My name is everyday life of stupidity."

My BFF asked me: "You know why it took Carlos 3 days to move on?"

I said: "Why?"

My BFF says: "Well, it's because he was already cheating!"

I said: "KNEW IT!"

School teacher: "Hey kid, why don't you just go home to your family?"

Orphan: "My family never came back for me."

School teacher: "Your daddy must've really needed that milk."