My Jokes

The only joke my dad ever made was me.

The last thing I said to my dog was,

"Play dead."

If I was God, my parents would be anesthetists.

Jim was caught beating a man up. Brooklyn took a picture of his license plate with her phone and told him, "Your life is ruined!" So Jim took a picture of her, and the next thing you know, he said, "Now my phone is ruined!"

My dad died during 9/11, he was the best pilot in all Saudi Arabia.

No joke. I just want to say that my thoughts are with the Ukrainian people, and I wish them the best. Best of luck.

What's the difference between my girlfriend and my uncle?

My girlfriend didn't go to jail for loving me.

What’s the similarity between a broken pencil and my life? They’re both pointless.

I was digging outside and I found my child's old toy, so I ran to find him, but I could not find him, so I was searching for about 6 hours, but then I remembered why I was digging......

If an old person tells you what to do just say, "At least my parents are alive!"

I asked a man if I was the fastest gun in the west. He said my 17 wasn't good enough. After that, a lot of lead went into his head.

My first name is Al and my last name is Coholic :) #yuengling.f/wat

Am I the only one who's on here because it's not blocked on the school laptop and I can't use my phone in class?

Cows go moo.

Some guy asked me, "Are you better than my meat?" I said, "No, I'm not better, I just beat it all the time."

Little Johnny sits on a chair. He notices he is sitting on something. Then he sees a plastic di**. He asks his mom, "What's that?" and Mom didn't know, so when his dad comes home from work, he sees him with the plastic di** and says, "Son, why you messing with my personal toy?"

When my dad left, he said he would bring back the milk, but 20 years later he only came with my new sister and eggs. And I confronted him, and he said, "I used all the milk to make your sister."

Yo, hairline is a distraction to my barber because he wanna fix it so bad (because of how bad it looks).

My mom told me to be positive...

I was heading to an HIV test.

My mom once told me to spread positivity across the world, so I did.

I spread Covid across the globe because I tested positive :D

My mother told me to be positive, but she said that when I was going to do an AIDS test.