My Jokes

I wonder if Stephen Hawking was an organ donor because I need new parts for my go-kart.

I wonder if Stephen Hawking was an organ donor, because I need new parts for my go-kart.

Have you watched the show "Naked and Afraid"? Well, I play it every Saturday with my uncle.

Donald Trump and the Pope were standing on a platform in front of a crowd of people. The Pope said to Donald Trump, “I can make everyone in this audience happy with one small swipe of my hand.”

Donald Trump replies, “That’s not possible. You’ll have to show me.” Then the Pope slaps him.

Me: Want to play 911?

My little brother: What's that?

Me: It's where I kick your legs and you fall.

Your hairline jokes are so bad that they make me want to rip all my hair out.

The police: Pull over!

The kid: Do you know who my dad is?

The police: What, your mom did not tell you?

My friend has glasses, and we were talking about owls, and I told my friend to give an owl glasses. I told my friend that it'd be a spectacled owl!

If someone who speaks two languages is bilingual, and someone who speaks many languages is multilingual, then what do you call someone who speaks one language?

An American.

I got a GTR yesterday, now my kids say, "GTR we there yet?"

Bully: My d*ck is longer than your password. Me: I don't have a password. So you *won't* have a d*ck after I tear it off you.

I was bullying a little kid for having a purple eye and said, "Where'd you get that? Your mom? Your dad?"

After that, everyone in my group was laughing at the kid. The next day I never saw him again.

To the guy in a wheelchair who stole my camouflage coat: you can hide, but you can't run.

I had a huge crush on this girl when I was eight. One recess we met together on the playground, and she brought me to the corner of the playground. That was my first kiss, and from there it got serious. I told my parents a week later and they freaked out, called the police, and they arrested my crush. I miss Mrs. Johnson.

I wish Stephen Hawking was an organ donor. I need some parts for my laptop.

My grandma just died from cancer.

My last words to her were “I like your cut, G.”

A guy walks into a restaurant and orders turtle soup. The waiter hollers, "One turtle soup!"

A moment later, the guy calls the waiter over and says, "I’ve changed my mind, I would like pea soup." The waiter hollers, "Hold the turtle, and make it pea!"

Me, an orphan: *laughing at orphan jokes*

Some person: Stop laughing, it's sad to laugh at your pain.

Me, an orphan: That's the funny part, what am I going to do, tell my parents?

What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body?

I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

Your so fat, my sister said. I said, "So at least I ain't fatter than your momma."