My jokes

Mum: If your friend jumped off a cliff, would you?

Me: Oh yeah, no doubt my friend wouldn't even have to jump first.

My family was watching Home Alone 2, so whenever Kevin was at the top of the Twin Towers, I threw a paper airplane at the T.V.

Don’t make jokes about 9/11. My dad was the best Middle Eastern pilot.

There are painkillers, but they only relieve physical pain. I wish something could relieve my internal pain.

If you say "slay" in my comments I will follow all of you lmao who are signed in.

God, I wish my grass was emo, so it would cut itself.

My mom said the only way to cure depression is to do what she does. She's dead.

(To a thief) If you like taking things, how about you take my life?

My dad is now a milkman.

Now I have over 50 brothers and sisters.

Guys, this is so wrong. I'm an orphan and this extremely offends me. I'm telling my parents, um.......

My girlfriend asked, "Why is this test so long and hard?"

I then said, "You know what else is long and hard..."

She was amazed!

My grandfather said that ppl rely on technology too much these days, so I thought about what he said and decided to unplug his life support.

My homework was to watch as much porn as I can... and tell my teacher the details so he won't get in trouble for watching it during class.

My friend called me a dick earlier. I said, "You are what you eat." He then proceeded to run away from me.

I was crying at school because my grandpa died. My friends asked what his last words were. I told them his last words were, "Are you still holding the ladder?"

Me: Y’all should start calling me 1943.

Friend: Why?

Me: 'Cause I’m going through my own Great Depression.

What do my dad and Nemo have in common? They both can’t be found.

I'm worth something, I got a barcode on my arm!

You're so ugly when a pig saw you, he said, "Yes, my brother is back."

I learned my dad got into a car crash this morning.

And my driver's license got revoked too.