My jokes

Your mom is so old, she walked into an antique store and they kept her.

Your mom is so dumb, she called me asking for my phone #.

My mom said she would miss me if I committed suicide, so we made it double.

Guys, these jokes are not funny. My dad died, he was the best Arabic pilot ever.

I will always remember my grandma's last words: "What are you doing with that pillow?"

Suck my balls!

I wish my grass was emo because then it would cut itself.

Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion in less than five moves.

Finally my high school karate lessons came to some use.

I got my COVID test today, it says 50. What does that mean? Also, my IQ test came back positive.

I told a disabled kid to get in my van. Well, it’s been two years, and he still hasn’t gotten into the van.

There was a disabled kid at my door. He said, "I'm selling some cookies, want to buy one?" I said, "Well, if you stand up, sure."

To all my haters, keep sucking. I'm about to cum.

I’m enyaw and I fancy my PE teacher. She is called Kelly Pearce and I go to Beckfoot Oakbank. I always watch her because I am a creep. I live at school under the stairs, but I also try [to] follow her home, and if I'm unsuccessful I look her up on a dodgy website and go on Google maps and look at her door.

I played Rock Paper Scissors with my friend Enyaw. I cba with jokes basically me and Enyaw always scissor.

I think my dad's gay because he goes out with his mates to get milk but never returns.

My friend Enyaw is gay, she is a cunt.

The only difference between my grandma and the twin towers is that they collapsed faster than my grandma.

The Twin Towers collapsed faster than my grandma did.

Me: Wanna hear a joke about my chin?

Friend: Nah, dude. It'll be too long.

Why did the rooster cross the road?

To Cock-A-Doodle Die. Now you have a rooster pancake. My favorite. ^^

SOOOO my sister said her first bad word yesterday. "Shit." My mum was like, "What did you just say, child?"

Sister: "I said the cat shits inside like the dog shi- uh oh......"

Now I've avoided this stuff by making my own word: Sugarplum. Sugarplum = shit...

My sister made some pie, and it tasted horribly... so I said this.... "This pie is very sugarplum-y." She said, "What do you mean by that?" I said, "It tastes like sugarplums..."