My jokes

I'll never forget my grandpa's last words:

"You need to park a little closer."

My sister told me a joke.

All she said was "my life."

I'll always remember my grandpa's last words.

"Are you getting the knife?"

What did the racist Catholic priest say?

"Martin Luther? Not my king!"

I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it. Then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.

I was crying when my dad was cutting onions.

Onions was such a good dog.

I'll never forget my grandpa's last words.

"Are you still holding the ladder?"

My cousin: “How’s the lemonade stand supposed to run when you’re at softball practice?!”

Me: “Lemonade stands can’t run, dufus.”

P.S. My brother made this up when he had no meds... I almost died.

What does ATM stand for?

Answer: Amy’s Terrible Mom.

😂🤣

Here is a story, my best friend was Chinese, his name was Chong-king. I took him to a restaurant one day and he said, "I am Chong-king." I said I know your name is Chong-king, within a few minutes he just randomly died making weird noises and turning blue by every second.

Anyone know what happened?

Four kids at my school tried suicide and failed. They are now known as the Suicide Squad.

I gave my friend some paper. It cut his wrists.

My friend tried high-fiving me; I left him hanging.

If I die, does my depression die with me?

Me: Yo mama so fat her alphabet starts with O.

My friend: What's that supposed to mean?

Me: O B C D.

Your mum is so fat, when she was in front of my apartment, I couldn't get in.

Yo mama so fat she got married by 20 men, but they think there's only one side of her! I tried making one of my own.

I asked my date to meet me at the gym today. She didn't show up. That's when I knew we weren't gonna work out.

Me and my friend are walking, we see a kid. My friend asks him why he's crying and if he lost his parents. He said, "Yeah." I slapped my friend because we were at an orphanage.

I see my friends at school. They talk to me, they go back to class, but they forgot I am their classmate, and they were like, "You're a dumbie." And I was, "Well, you're a dumbass, bi***!"