My jokes
Like and comment if you will be my friend!
There was once a grandfather. He had very little hair, and he lived in a forest.
On his death bed, he was fully bald. So he told his children, "You see my head? I have no hair. All of my hair has been wiped, and I hope this forest doesn't experience the same. Children, every time a tree is cut in this forest, plant a new one in its place."
So for years, and to this day, that forest still stands, each tree being replanted. All because of an old man and his re-seeding hairline.
Little off topic but...
Mum: You wouldn't be here without me.
Son: And my birth certificate is a sorry letter from the condom factory.
Mum: Fair point.
Roses are red, violets are blue, there are kids in my basement, you'll be there soon.
People ask me if my friend jumps off a bridge, will I go as well? Of course not. I am a leader; I will go first, my friend will jump after me!
What is the difference between me and the Twin Towers?
My mom was only airplane feeding me a spoon.
I was walking down the street when I saw my ex-girlfriend, so I fucked her. Turns out it was her identical twins that she never told me about.
And I decided to confront her. So I did the next time I saw her, but this time it was her identical triplet. There are 3 of them...
AND SHE NEVER BROUGHT THAT UP IN THE 7 YEARS I WAS DATING HER!
When I die, I'll let everyone I kept dear lower my coffin into the ground.
So they can let me down one last time.
Tell your mom happy last night. 🍆 in my bed.
I would have a joke for my friend... but he can't afford the punchline.
I should probably stop making jokes about 9/11.
My dad died to it, he was a great pilot.
Say my name if you like "Breaking Bad."
Me and my friend were cranking 90s in Fortnite, then our other friend joined, started flying a plane. We died like all the people in 9/11.
My boner had better structural support than the Twin Towers.
Worst joke ever: me and my user.
My classmate, Hailey Legacy.
My girlfriend's dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me and said, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"
Once I was riding my bike and saw a $5. I jumped off and died.
I cried when my dad cut up onions. Onions was a good dog.
*Me walking into the nail salon* Hi, I'm here for my 3:45 appointment.
*Nail tech:* Ok, sweety, come and sit down.
*Me sits down in the chair*
*Nail tech:* You want long nail, short nail? Um, long nail. You want boyfriend?!! Yes, ma'am. Ok, let me work magic. Ok.
*gives me short nail* Bro, I asked for long nail, but you said BF, but u look lesbian.
*walks out without paying*
*Nail tech gives money to a customer* There u win.
*customer:* I told u she would.