Music jokes
Two people are under the covers. The man says, "Quote the Beatles: Come together!"
What sound does a nut make when it comes alive?
Christmas!
Why did Adele cross the road?
To say hello from the other side.
What do you call an obnoxiously loud fog horn? A beginner saxophonist.
Who is Santa's favorite singer?
Elf-is Presley!
What is the most musical part of a chicken?
The drumstick.
You can tune a guitar, but you can’t tuna fish.
What is the best Christmas present ever? A broken drum! You just can't beat it!
What do you call an angry reindeer? RUDE-olph!
What is Santa's favorite breakfast? Snowflakes!
What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsel-itis!
The quiet kid starts playing "Pumped Up Kicks" in the parking lot before school.
Q: What kind of Christmas music do elves like?
A: “Wrap” music.
What happens when Stephen Hawking dies? Windows plays the shutdown music.
Why do musicians in New Orleans smell so good?
Because they're jasmine (jazz men)!
What is a cow's favorite move? -- The sound of moooosic.
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You follow the Fresh prints.
What do you call two skeletons dancing in a tin can?
Noise!
What do you get when skeletons are dancing in a tin can?
Noise!
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a shopping bag?
One's made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with, the other one carries your shopping.
I played piano at a Worthmore disabled elderly center. Then after I was done, I said, "How about you give me a standing ovation?"
I regret it to this day. Now I am forced to live here at Worthmore, and sit on my wheelchair, sad and lonely.
Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft, and I’ll show you A-flat minor.
Q. What's the difference between people and a toilet?
A. Neither does R. Kelly.