Mum jokes
Pregnant teen: I'm pregnant, my mum's gonna kill me.
Unborn baby: My mum's gonna kill me.
Daughter: So, I got my period.
Mom: That's wonderful, dear! Now you can bleed for a whole week a month without dying!
Daughter: That's nice, Mum, but isn't the whole point of getting your period dying?
Mom: Yes, but you have to kill yourself a little longer to live through to another day.
Daughter: Thanks, Mum. That makes a whole lot of sense. (Sarcastically.)
Mom: You're welcome, honey. (Clueless, obviously.)
Your mum sat on a phone, and she turned it into a pancake.
While I was waiting for your mum to waddle past, I missed a whole season of my TV show!
Your mum is so old that when I told her to act her age, she died.
After having a win at bingo, Ethel splashed out on some venison for tea.
During the meal, her daughter asked her mum what it was, to which she replied with a little smile... "It's what I call your father."
Little Jimmy threw down his knife and fork and jumped up sayin', "Oh My God! Don't eat it!!! It's a fucking Dick!"
Why do orphans become bullies?
Because their mum and dad were never there for them.
Children in the Twin Towers be like: "Look, Mum, it's a plane!"
An orphan once said, "I will call my mum and go home."
A homeless kid once said he will go home.
Your mum is so slow, it took her nine months to make a joke.
Yo mum's so dumb, she went to the library to find Facebook.
Your mum, your dad, The things you never had.
Your mum lolololollollollololollolololllol! Find her reboot card lmfao lolololol.
Your mum is so fat, when she was sitting on a scale, the number couldn't even fit on the scale and came shooting out!
Your mum is so fat that when she looks in the mirror, the mirror cracked!
Your mum is so fat that she took a spoon to the supercool.
My mum.
Little Johnny was told by his friend that if you go to your parents and say: "I know the truth," they give you money.
So Little Johnny says to his mum, "I know the truth," so his mum hands him 20 dollars and tells him not to tell anyone. So when Little Johnny’s dad gets home, Little Johnny says, "I know the truth." His dad hands him $50 and says not to tell anyone. So Little Johnny tries it on the postman and says, "I know the truth," and the postman says, "Come here, son."
What does your mom say when she is working?
Nothing, it's rude to talk with your mouth full.
Why do I have to do the stupid joke, mum?