Mum jokes
Your hairline goes further back than your mum's divorce.
I am in trouble. My mum asked me to get six cans of Sprite.
But I got seven Up.
After having a win at bingo, Ethel splashed out on some venison for tea.
During the meal, her daughter asked her mum what it was, to which she replied with a little smile... "It's what I call your father."
Little Jimmy threw down his knife and fork and jumped up sayin', "Oh My God! Don't eat it!!! It's a fucking Dick!"
My mum's a carrot.
Children in the Twin Towers be like: "Look, Mum, it's a plane!"
A shop assistant is helping a little boy who can't find his mum in the supermarket.
He asks the boy, "What's she like?"
The boy says, "Big Cocks and vodka!"
Your mum is so old that when I told her to act her age, she died.
Your mum is so slow, it took her nine months to make a joke.
Kid: Mum, how do you know someone is drunk?
Mum: See the four birds over there?
Kid: Huh, wait a minute.
Mum: A drunk person would see eight.
Kid: Mum, but there is only two.
Why did Brandon's mum chase him with a knife? Because he didn't let her cum first!
Roses are red, violets are black, your mum's so fat she sold her son for 10 Big Macs.
What's your mum's favourite food?
Chicken nuggets! HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA
The little camel asks his mother: "Mum, why do we have these big humps?"
"Because in these humps there is some water, and in the hot desert we can drink."
"And Mum, why do we have this large fur?"
"Because the desert at night is so cold, and then we don’t feel cold."
"And Mum, why do we got these big hoofs?"
"Because the desert sand is hot, and the hoofs save us from the hot sand."
"But Mum, what the fuck are we doing here in the national zoo?"
Your mum is so fat, when she was sitting on a scale, the number couldn't even fit on the scale and came shooting out!
Your mum's got big tits.
I go balls deep in your mum with no power.
What does your mom say when she is working?
Nothing, it's rude to talk with your mouth full.
Your mom dot com.
Little Johnny was told by his friend that if you go to your parents and say: "I know the truth," they give you money.
So Little Johnny says to his mum, "I know the truth," so his mum hands him 20 dollars and tells him not to tell anyone. So when Little Johnny’s dad gets home, Little Johnny says, "I know the truth." His dad hands him $50 and says not to tell anyone. So Little Johnny tries it on the postman and says, "I know the truth," and the postman says, "Come here, son."
Your mum is so fat, when I see her, I get depressed.