Mum jokes
What do you get when you cross mums and makeup?
Beauty!
Best not leave hungry kids unattended!
I was at the park the other day and sat down on the bench next to a mum and her daughter, and she asked which one was my kid, and I said I haven't decided yet.
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Yo mum." "Yo mum who?" "Yo mum is watching you wank right now."
Raaj went up to his mom and said, "I bet you 10 dollars I can disappear." Then he turned off the lights.
When your mum went to the UK and wore a yellow jacket, everyone started yelling "Taxi! Taxi!"
Son: Hey dad, why is my name Canada?
Dad: Because you were made there.
Mum: We haven't been to Canada.
Dad: Hol' up a minute.
That poor kid, he was fine until I bought him a mother's day card for his mum. The second he saw it, he burst out crying...
Your mum!
Your mum is so fat that when she sat on the toilet, she couldn't because her fat ass can't fit on the toilet seat.
Ur mum gay, lul.
You're so fat when you told your mum and dad, even they laughed!
Your mum so fat that when she sat down she said, "Why are there so many people under me?"
Your mum is so fat, when she reached for the remote, when she found it, it was crushed.
Yo mama is so stupid, because when she gave birth to you, she asked for a receipt!
Your mum's foreheads.
Little Johnny's teacher asks him, "Johnny, do you pray before you eat?" Little Johnny says, "I don't need to, my mum makes good food."
Your mum is so fat, she eats every meal from KFC, Maccas, Hungry Jacks all at once!
Little off topic but...
Mum: You wouldn't be here without me.
Son: And my birth certificate is a sorry letter from the condom factory.
Mum: Fair point.
"Your mum has very small balls. Congrats! I told her, your balls are bigger than your husband's."