Mum jokes
Ur mum is so fat that when she lived in a flat on the highest floor, she fell through the inner floor.
When I was a kid, my hamster died, so my mum bought a new identical one, hoping I wouldn't notice. It didn't matter anyway, since I beat that one to death, too.
Your mum's foreheads.
I see a poor guy. Mini me be like- mama, can I give my spare money to him? 🤗 And my mum says yes, so I give my money and home feeling SO NICE, while MY MOM knows he's going to spend it on DRUGS. We go back tomorrow and then after we go to the same place and then I see him with drugs.
Me- what I think fck what I do 😭.
Dog toys are getting out of control.
My mum's dog has a round bison bone.
Looks like he was chewing on Tracy Latimer's hip or something.
Two mums hook up!
Their daughter comes in the room and says, "Which one's the baby daddy?"
The "mum" points to the woman who was actually a man!
If someone is mean to an orphan just say, "I will call your mum," and make them cry even more.
Who is your mum?
An emo.
Your mum is so stupid, she tried to take the crown off a "Keep Calm and Carry On" poster so that she could become the new queen of England.
Mum: Why are you throwing a paper plane at the twins?
Me: 😈
Why did the beans fuck the mum to make bouncing beans?
Ur mum's queef was like a fucking hurricane!
"Where are you? I need to throw you out because Mum said to take out the trash."
You're so fat when you told your mum and dad, even they laughed!
In what city do you always lose your mum? Mumbai.
Why didn't the orphan do the work?
Because when the teacher says they would call your mum or dad, there's nobody to call.
Mom: ON THE PHONE WITH CHILD- Honey, is Dad late to pick you up again?
Child: No, Mum. Dad is here, but he is talking about me to Mrs. Lili, the math teacher.
Mom: Can you hear them?
Child: I think... they are watching a good movie.
Mom: Why do you think that?
Child: Because I keep hearing this *HOLDS ONTO PHONE* and clap, clap, clap.
Your mum is so stupid, when she went on your phone it got fat.
Hondo's dad and mum went up the hill to do it in the water.
Jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a Hondo.
My dad came out of my step-sister's room as I came out of my step-mum's room.