Mum

Mum jokes

Shit

Ur mum smells like shit, yeah, so she sucks a man off and washing machine. Yo, don’t at me, yeah, you chicken breath.

Forehead

Your forehead is so big your mum spent an extra hour in the birth delivery room.

Doctor

Your mum is so fat, when the doctors did her x-ray, the doctor said to her, "I want your x-ray, not an elephant's x-ray!"

Apple

If you get an apple a day, what does it give you?

Worms and rotten fruit.

Dog

Dog toys are getting out of control.

My mum's dog has a round bison bone.

Looks like he was chewing on Tracy Latimer's hip or something.

Bingo

After having a win at bingo, Ethel splashed out on some venison for tea.

During the meal, her daughter asked her mum what it was, to which she replied with a little smile... "It's what I call your father."

Little Jimmy threw down his knife and fork and jumped up sayin', "Oh My God! Don't eat it!!! It's a fucking Dick!"

Bank

Your mum was so poor that she went to rob the bank, but she left because she couldn't find the cameras. She left her son, and the security [girl] gave him the camera.

Cow

Why did ze cow cross the road?

yo watch his mum getting butchered she was an udder failure.

Trash

"Where are you? I need to throw you out because Mum said to take out the trash."