Mum Jokes

My Mum texted me she had lost her phone

The teacher asked a young boy in primary school “Can you tell me the alphabet?”

To which the boy replies “No”

The teacher then sets his homework to learn the alphabet.

At home, the boy goes up to his mum, who is on the phone, and asks “Can you tell me the alphabet?”

“Shut up” she replied

The boy goes to his dad, who just won the footie match, and asks “Can you teach me the alphabet?”

But the dad is too busy celebrating and shouting “Hell yeah! Hell yeah! Yeaaahh!”

The boy goes to his big brother and asks him to teach him the alphabet.

But his brother is singing “I’m Michael Jackson, I’m Michael Jackson!”

The boy goes to his sister and asks her for the alphabet.

But his sister is singing “In my big red car, in my big red car!”

The next day the teacher asks him the alphabet.

The boy replies “Shut up.”

“Alright, I’m sending you to the principal’s office right now.”

The boy replies “Hell yeah! Hell yeah! Yeaaahh!”

In the office, the principal says “who do you think you are?”

The boy replies “I’m Michael Jackson, I’m Michael Jackson!”

The principal now says “how do you think you’ll get away with this?”

The boy them replies “In my big red car, in my big red car!”

your mum sat on a phone and she turned it into a pancake

Your mum is so smart but she still can’t figure why she had you

Little Johnny is watching his mum rubbing cold cream on her face and he asks her “why are you rubbing that stuff on your face mother?” His mother replies “to make myself beautiful Johnny.” A few minutes later she starts rubbing the cream off with a tissue. Johnny says to her “What is the matter? Are you giving up?”

Today is the day of 9/11 and we were in class making jokes and somebody said that’s sad and I was like why and they said “ today is the day the towers went down” and I said just like I did on you mum last night

your mum is so ugly that when she went to rob a bank they had too turn the cameras off

yo mama is soo stupid, because when see gave birth to you she asked for a receipt!

I asked my mum to be in the Paralympics and she said i had to eat more vegetables

What can a rock possibly say?

Answer: I’ll fuck ya mum rock hard

where do you find a orphan just look for your mum.

yo mama so fAt that when she walked past the TV you missed 3 episodes of your favourite show.

I rang my boss and said I’m really sick I won’t be coming into work, my boss said Davo your sick again! Really! Just how sick are you now? I replied well I’m in bed with my sister!