Mum Jokes

The teacher asked,"why are you in school on a saturday?" I told her my mum told me to go to hell.

I was gonna say when you were born your mum saw you and screamed but I remembered you were adopted...

My Mum texted me she had lost her phone

Why don't Orphans go to the shops because when there mum leaves shes never coming back

my mum said take out the trash so I took my sister

yo mama is soo stupid, because when see gave birth to you she asked for a receipt!

pregnant teen: im pregnant my mums gonna kill me. Unborn baby: my mums gonna kill me

Me: Want to hear a joke? Friend: Sure Me: When my Mum and Dad said they loved me. Friend: What's funny about that? Me: Because the next day they disowned me.

When I was 14 my mum caught me wanking and she slapped me across the face a couple weeks later my dad caught me having a beer and he made me drink 40 beers and I just thought we’ll I’m glad he didn’t catch me wanking

Two brothers play on the street, one of them finds a condom on the ground. Not knowing what it is they go to their mum and asks what it is that they found. Mum gets mad and yells to throw that away immediately. Guys go back to the yard surprised why their mum got mad for just latex. One of them says: why did mum got so angry, the other: i have no idea thankfully we did not tell her that we've eaten the yogurt inside.

My mum told me to stop telling the suicidal jokes. I replied with: "Don't worry, suicide would be the last thing I'd do."

There was a solar eclypse at school and we missed it, but it was alright. Your mum went to NASA and recreated it herself.

I was on the train today and saw a cow on it it was quite strange until i realised it was Alfies mum

2 boys were at a lake and they went to a bush and saw a naked lady, one ran away, the other one followed the one who ran and asked why he ran, the boy answered, "My mum told me if I saw a naked lady I would turn to stone, I ran away because I felt something get hard"