Mum jokes

Your mum is so overdue on eBay for £2 so she could get a male stripper.

I am in trouble. My mum asked me to get six cans of Sprite.

But I got seven Up.

What do you call the woman that fucked sooooooo many hunks to have the condom break and a failure to be born? Ur Mum.

Your mum is so fat, she gets hit by a parked car!

Ur mum gay.

Your mum's so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and it's still printing.

Your mum stinks of disabled people.

Wanna know why?

I don't know either, you tell me.

I remember asking my mum: "What's a couple?"

She replied, "Two or three."

Which probably explains her collapsed marriage.

Your mum is so ugly she made Paul Walker run.

What does the M and D in "orphan" stand for?

"Mum" and "Dad."

Amelia is hotter than my mum 696969696.

Your mum's so fat, she fell into the Grand Canyon and got stuck going down.

SOOOO my sister said her first bad word yesterday. "Shit." My mum was like, "What did you just say, child?"

Sister: "I said the cat shits inside like the dog shi- uh oh......"

Now I've avoided this stuff by making my own word: Sugarplum. Sugarplum = shit...

My sister made some pie, and it tasted horribly... so I said this.... "This pie is very sugarplum-y." She said, "What do you mean by that?" I said, "It tastes like sugarplums..."

Why can’t orphans have a horse?

Because they run away like their mum did.

What's thick, 12 inches, and in your mum's throat?

My penis.

Your mum's hairline was so big that Dora the Explorer could not find it.

“My Mum told me the best time to ask my Dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I’d ever been given.

I burst in through the bedroom door saying, ‘Can I have a new bike?’ He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.”

Your mum is so fat, when I see her, I get depressed.

Your mum is so fat, I had to take 2 buses and a train to get to her good side.

Your mum so fat she's diabetic... LOL