Mum jokes

Your mum, your dad, The things you never had.

My mother caught me jerking off and she told me to leave it out. I didn't know what she was doing but she grabbed my cock and started sucking. Then I found out on porn she was doing deep throat.

A couple of weeks later my dad caught me jerking off, I thought he would deep throat, but he just walked up to me and slapped my boner. I cried for 5 hours. Luckily my mum gave me a sloppy joe afterwards.

Your mum is a Rune Giant.

Your mum is so fat that when you walk around her, you get lost.

Mum finds out child cheats in math test.

Mom says, "There is no cheating in this house."

Child: "Then why did you cheat with my math teacher last night?"

Yo mama is so ugly, when she looked in the mirror, it cracked.

“My Mum told me the best time to ask my Dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I’d ever been given.

I burst in through the bedroom door saying, ‘Can I have a new bike?’ He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.”

Your mum is so ugly she could make an onion cry.

Yo mama is so fat, when she wore yellow, the kids thought they missed the bus.

Your mum is so fat, when I see her, I get depressed.

Your mum is so fat, flat earthers think she's round!

Roses are red, violets are blue,

Your mum's so fat, she broke Britain too!

You're at a funeral. Your mum says be quiet, so you snigger at the body and say, "Bye forever, bitch."

What did the poo say when it fell out of your bum?

"Your anus looks like my mum's bedsheet which is smelly and covered in poo."

I also just wanted to add that a Goonie's anus looks like my nan's mouth.

An orphan once said, "I will call my mum and go home."

A homeless kid once said he will go home.

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

UR MUM!

I am in trouble. My mum asked me to get six cans of Sprite.

But I got seven Up.

Mom: Hey son, what does "idk" and "idc" mean?

Son: I don’t know and I don’t care.

Mom: Excuse me?

Son: Oh, and by the way, Mom, what’s for dinner?

I don’t know and I don’t care.

This guy called anonymous said he's going to own me like he did my mum. Joke's on him, I have two dads.

Today is the day of 9/11, and we were in class making jokes, and somebody said, "That's sad." I was like, "Why?" And they said, "Today is the day the towers went down." I said, "Just like I did on your mum last night."