Mum jokes

Son: Hey dad, why is my name Canada?

Dad: Because you were made there.

Mum: We haven't been to Canada.

Dad: Hol' up a minute.

What’s the difference between jam and marmalade?

I can’t marmalade my cock into your mum’s arse.

If someone is mean to an orphan just say, "I will call your mum," and make them cry even more.

Why are tomatoes green? Because they rot, like your mum.

Hondo's dad and mum went up the hill to do it in the water.

Jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a Hondo.

Yo mama is so smelly that whenever she steps outside, she pollutes the air!

I walk in on my mum and she's in the middle of pulling off my dad's boxers. I said, "Mum, you really spoil those dogs!"

Stinking poo poo bum.

Joke of the day: Your mum is so fat I saw her at Greg’s! 😭🤣

When I was walking home, a couple of married guys were saying, "Your mom is good at her job," but I realized my mom doesn't work.

So I ask my mom, "Why are these guys saying you're good at your job? You don't work." My mom said, "Yeah, I got a new job." So I said, "What do you do?" My mom said, "Job hand, no, I mean it's called a hand job."

Your mum is so fat, she eats every meal from KFC, Maccas, Hungry Jacks all at once!

Your mum is so fat that when she sat on the toilet, she couldn't because her fat ass can't fit on the toilet seat.

Orphan jokes are like families, not everyone gets 'em.

(Also, I banged ya mum ;))

Why did the beans fuck the mum to make bouncing beans?

A shop assistant is helping a little boy who can't find his mum in the supermarket.

He asks the boy, "What's she like?"

The boy says, "Big Cocks and vodka!"

I see a poor guy. Mini me be like- mama, can I give my spare money to him? 🤗 And my mum says yes, so I give my money and home feeling SO NICE, while MY MOM knows he's going to spend it on DRUGS. We go back tomorrow and then after we go to the same place and then I see him with drugs.

Me- what I think fck what I do 😭.

Your mum is so fat when she died the Earth was flat! 😂😂😂😂

What do you call a zoo with no dogs? A shit zoo! 😂😂😂😂😂

Little off topic but...

Mum: You wouldn't be here without me.

Son: And my birth certificate is a sorry letter from the condom factory.

Mum: Fair point.

I'm ashamed to admit feeling proud of the rape joke I posted and what went on between me and your mum.

Sam's mum is so fat, when she fell down the stairs, I thought EastEnders finished!